Ben Skywalker

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Ben Skywalker. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.

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What Dr. Phil has to say about Ben- "Ever wonder who was responsible for your girlfriend breaking up with you? Your dog dying? Your grandfather molesting you? Well, it was this kid."

Other popular celebrities have also spoken out about Ben's in the US, including George Washington, Leonardo da Vinci, and this guy. The official document constructed between all parties is as follows in chronological order:

1. 7h47 n00bzor 15 73h 94yz

2. He doesn't know the Uncyclopedia: Flamewar Guidelines

3. H35 4|\| |_|b3r n00b

4. Cheese

Ben Skywalker comes from a land far, far, away. Scientists suspect Poland. Upon his inception in the womb of his mother, the sun god, Helios, killed 7 million jay walkers out of sheer anger. Ben frequents the GameInformer forums. He wants to be "known". He hopes to accomplish this by posting relentlessely, even though only 100 posts are required for the "member" ranking. He is equated to "a potato on acid" or "a chicken with a bad leg" as far as his evilness is concerned. He fears the outside world, and is known for assaulting the homeless, spewing phrases such as "I need new pants!" and "Fear me!" Ben once made out with a cactus plant. This incident resulted in a class action lawsuit, known as "The Mojave Desert vs. Ben". Ben argued that he was just trying to drink tequila straight from the young agave cactus, but the court ruled in favor of The Mojave, charging Ben with molestation, statutory rape, and making him pay an astounding 5 bajillion rubels to the young cactus. The following is a list of Ben's misdeeds composed by well known historians, such as Oscar the Grouch and Captain Morgan and his crew, which consists of the well known poet, Jose Cuervo, and the founder of Holland, Jack Daniels.


The Misdeeds[edit]

Ben also has a lusting for the letter "P" and won't stop until he "gets some action," which the world's leading code-crackers believe means that he won't stop until he "wrestles a bear."