Benny Hill (born 1927, died 2008, London) is a prominent British politician, famous for his revolutionary acts of Parliament including the 1942 Reformation of Wigs and Head Adornments Act, the 1946 Gay and Lesbian Slavery Act and the 1997 Free money for retired MPs Act. He is well known for his serious tone of voice, scrutinized use of clothing, and intense phobia of large breasted women.
In his latter years, Hill hosted his own BBC television program, The Benny Hill Show, which covered contentious issues troubling contemporary society every week. In each episode, Hill would be seen to engage in a 15-minute mass debate on the topic in question, and followed up by chasing completely naked women around fields. Usually a bald man would appear, who would take on the role of the antagonist in the debate, generally countering Hill's arguments but ultimately fulfilling Hill's compulsive need to always be correct. The theme music to the show, General Hill's March, rapidly became inseparable from Hill himself in the public consciousness. In the show, Hill also performed many Tragedies. During these years, Hill was sued countless times with accusations of death by boredom.
Benny proved extremely popular in continental Europe, and to this day is adored in France. Indeed, the French city of Benny Hill Ville is named after him. There resides a copy of the Lincoln Memorial fashioned in Benny's likeness, and showing him at his most regent.
Benny Hill Ville is also the location of the annual international Benny Hill Merdey Gras. The festival's highlight is the Running of the Boobs, in which topless women are chased through the streets by Benny Hill look-a-likes and lecherous little bald men, while a fast-paced raunchy variant of General Hill's March plays over loudspeakers.
The now ubiquitous greeting for men of smaller stature (patting them on the head) is generally considered to be Benny's most lasting cultural legacy.
Additionally, it has recently been discovered that Benny Hill was and remains to be an archaeological nightmare, an overhanging Teutonic monastery on the 758 foot mountain, Jimmy Hill, deep within Snowdon mountain in Wales. Said monastery is supposed to have been home to a special order of monks, who (it is claimed) created the archetypal German woman. So, on the chance occasion that you should arrive home, blind drunk, with a "somewhat foreign speaking bird", you can blame the shoddy appearance, ambiguous gender, and prominent halitosis on the ancient monks of Benny Hill.
Despite being born in 1927, Benny Hill managed to found Microsoft in 1882 by using a time machine, which was originally supposed be an alarm clock built using schematics designed by arch-rival Apple. When asked if it qualifies as a temporal paradox, Marty McFly, the inventor of the time machine, only answered: "Oh, this is heavy!" However, weight obviously had nothing to do with the matter.
His love of the arts saw him become a patron of the popular theatre, and during the 1950's he produced a collaborative work with Oscar Wilde, the West End's long-running "The Importance of being Ernie, the Fastest Milkman in the West". It is thought that Kenneth Branagh and Brian Blessed are hoping to produce a big-screen adaption.
Besides this, he once was known as Optimus Prime's secret lover. Not much was ever told about the matter.
However, his biggest achievement is being mistaken for a straight guy obsessed with women when in fact he loved to obtain carnal knowledge with plants, most specifically corn.
Not a lot of people know this, but Benny Hill was also in the internationally renowned pop group ABBA under the assumed name of Benny Anderson. After being kicked out of ABBA for occasional groping of other band members, Benny tried stand up comedy opening for clarinet sensation Benny Goodman. When audiences and critics began to call him 'Benny Badman' he stopped. Not because his act was bad, but because he would often grope audience members.
|President of Microsoft
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