Berenstain Bears

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What the Berenstain Bears' victims tend to look like.
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“We are the demonic Berenstain Bears! Papa, Mama, Sister, Brother! We live in a blood-coated tree! Papa, Mama, Sister, and me are going to kill you! We're going to kill your family too! Berenstain Bears”

~ Berenstain Bears theme song

The Berenstain Bears are a group of bloodthirsty bears known to mutilate their victims before eating them. They live in a house that is thankfully, located far away from human civilization, and normally eat porridge and sit on chairs instead. Don't step foot in their house, or you'll end up like poor Goldilocks. Did I mention that their fur is completely bulletproof? Not to mention their claws can cut through flesh like butter. Don't even think about hunting them....they'll hunt you! They also started a TV series so they could watch their victims die.


The house of the Berenstain Bears has been painted with blood. Doesn't help that one of their victims was hemophilic.

The Berenstain Bears started their career of mass murder when a little girl stumbled upon their house and ate their porridge and sat on their chairs and slept on one of their beds. They did not appreciate her trespassing, and decided to eat her alive. Enjoying the taste of the little girl, this gave them the particular idea to lure victims to their house. They set up various signs around the forest saying "Free Snickerdoodles!". Of course none of their victims did get snickerdoodles, all they got was being eaten alive. They also killed Chewbacca because he knew too much about their evil schemes and was about to tell everyone the truth about the Berenstain Bears, who everyone thought were just a bunch of friendly bears that lurked in the forest (Morons).

Aside from eating people for dinner, they also used their blood and bones to decorate their house. Repulsive, I know. Several of their victims went mad simply from seeing the sight of their disgusting house and their bloodstained tree. The Berenstain Bears made sure to kill their victims in the most painful way possible, from dissecting them to locking them inside iron maidens. They never used painkillers while cutting their victim's throats. All in all, they slaughtered a total of 666.6 victims.


Season One[edit]

Father Bear's weapon of choice.

Episode 1: The Career Begins: The Berenstain Bears discover a little girl in their house and eat her alive. They then decide to start a career of eating human flesh. (First appearance of the Berenstain Bears)

Episode 2: Hanging Out With The Bears: The Berenstain Bears hang three unlucky men who were wandering outside their house.

Episode 3: Sleeping With The Bears, I Mean The Fishes: The Berenstain Bears drown a little boy who was playing in a river outside their house.

Episode 4: Burn Baby Burn: The Berenstain Bears cook an infant alive after stealing him from his parents.

Episode 5: I'm Melting: The Berenstain Bears fill a tub with aerosolic acid and push several people in it.

Episode 6: Trigger Happy Part 1: The Berenstain Bears get guns from hunters they kill and go on a shooting spree.

Episode 7: Trigger Happy Part 2: The Berenstain Bears run out of bullets and go to a gunstore to get more. After killing the gunstore owner, they go on an even bigger shooting spree.

Episode 8: Trigger Happy Part 3: The Berenstain Bears get in a gun fight with several police officers after the cops investigate the series of gruesome murders. Meanwhile, the mayor of the town notices the massacres and decides to send the Police Chief to kill them. (First appearance of the Mayor)

Episode 9: The Police Chief Is Pissed Part 1: The Police Chief sends every officer in town to kill the Berenstain Bears. (First appearance of the Police Chief)

Episode 10: The Police Chief Is Pissed Part 2: The police officers surround the Berenstain Bears' house. The Berenstain Bears notice the officers outside and prepare for a long fight.

Episode 11: The Massive Police Fight: The Berenstain Bears slaughter the police officers that are attacking them after a long battle. Bodies are strewn everywhere.

Episode 12: The Police Chief Needs Help: The police chief, realizing some of his best men are dead, starts requesting backup. The Berenstain Bears head to the police station to kill him, but he's ready for a fight.

Episode 13: Police Station Massacre: The Berenstain Bears kill the remaining police officers. They enter the Police Chief's office, who assaults them with a minigun while wearing a bulletproof vest. They finally manage to kill the Police Chief, ridding them of a threat to the Berenstain Bears in the process. They then help themselves to the massive amount of donuts in the police station. Meanwhile the mayor discovers the police chief's death and decides that the ninja master will be the next one to try to kill them, after some discussion. (Final appearance of the Police Chief)

Season Two[edit]

Episode 14: Ninja Assault: Genin ninjas attack the Berenstain Bears. The Berenstain Bears manage to kill them, and decide to recruit some allies due to the dark times ahead for them. {First appearance of The Sensei}

Episode 15: Tryouts For The Next Killer Bear: The Berenstain Bears start hiring others to help them kill.

Episode 16: Finally A Recruit: After rejecting so many bears, they finally managed to recruit a bear, Winnie the Pooh.

Episode 17: Ninja Assault Redux: More Genin ninjas attack the Berenstain Bears.

Episode 18: Paper Bombs: The Ninja Master attempts to blow up the Berenstain Bears' house with paper bombs.

Episode 19: The Way of the Ninja: The sensei sends Chunin Ninja after the Berenstain Bears, who prove to be more challenging than wimpy Genin ninjas.

Episode 20: The Ninja Master Must Die: The Berenstain Bears start to get tired of fighting ninjas and therefore look for a way to get rid of the sensei. Meanwhile, the Mayor starts to worry that the Ninja Master is going to meet the same fate as the Police Chief.

Episode 21: Enough With The Ninjas: The Sensei starts to wonder if he should just go after them himself.

Episode 22: Persistent Ninjas: Jonin Ninjas go after the Berenstain Bears.

Episode 23: High Ninja Casualties: Losing too many ninjas, the Sensei ponders who to send after the Berenstain Bears.

Episode 24: The Sensei Has A Plan: The Sensei sends a wannabe ninja named Naruto after the Berenstain Bears. {First appearance of Naruto}

Episode 25: Nine-Tailed Fox: Naruto goes up against the Berenstain Bears, who proves to be a surprisingly deadly opponent partly due to the fact that one of the ninjas they had killed was his pink-haired girlfriend. In the end he loses and the Berenstain Bears kill him by extracting the Nine-Tailed Fox from his body. Fortunately, they do not know how to use its powers. That doesn't mean they don't gain powers from the fox though...{Final appearance of Naruto}

Episode 26: End of the Ninjas: The Berenstain Bears storm the Ninja's dojo with their newfound superpowers and kill the sensei. The Mayor responds with a rather desperate measure, he releases all the criminals in town to dispose of the Berenstain Bears, lead by Osama Bin Laden. {Final appearance of the Sensei}

Season 3[edit]

Episode 27: Dealing With Their Own: The Berenstain Bears have to face a bunch of low-class criminals...very easy, but more of them are clearly coming....

Episode 28: More Dangerous Criminals: The Berenstain Bears come across more dangerous criminasl, ranging from bandits to thieves.

Episode 29: Truly Nasty Criminals: The Berenstain Bears come across some VERY nasty criminals. Among them is Charlie Manson! (First appearance of Charlie Manson)

Episode 30: The End of a Serial Killer: Charlie Manson attempts to kill the Berenstain Bears. Despite being such a psycho, he meets his end....(Final appearance of Charlie Manson)

Episode 31: The Mafia: The mafia is sent to deal with the Berenstain Bears. They are lead by Fat Tony. (First appearance of Fat Tony}

Episode 32: The Capture: Sister Bear is captured by Fat Tony, and Fat Tony prepares to put cement over her feet and toss her into a nearby river.

Episode 33: End of the Mafia: Fat Tony's scheme to kill Sister Bear fails, and the Berenstain Bears kill Fat Tony by giving him chronic indigestion. (Final appearance of Fat Tony).

Episode 34: Sideshow Bob: Sideshow Bob is sent to kill the Berenstain Bears. {First appearance of Sideshow Bob).

Episode 35 The Ransom: Sister Bear is kidnapped and held for ransom. Berenstain Bears don't care and Sister is forced to rescue herself.

Episode 36: "So Much For Rescue" Sister Bear brutally kills Sideshow Bob. {Final appearance of Sideshow Bob)

Episode 37: "Assassination" Brother Bear suggests to his family that they murder Osama Bin Laden.

Notable Berenstain Bears[edit]

Sister Bear is disgusting.

A cannibal bear who leads the other Berenstain Bears. He likes roasting human heads on the barbecue. And eating porridge that is above 9000 degrees celsius. Because he is the leader, he is the one who orchestrates the deaths of their victims. God knows how many people he has killed....


A cannibal bear who makes sweaters out of human skin. She is second-in-command and likes eating porridge that is over 9000 degrees below zero celsius. She is dangerous, with killer knitting needles she can throw to puncture the vital organs of her victims.


A cannibal bear who makes human heads explode with her loud screaming. Somewhat annoying to Mother Bear, as she had always just mopped by the time she has made her latest victim.


A cannibal bear who whacks human heads off with a baseball bat. He also throws exploding baseballs as well, and can catch enemy projectiles with his baseball glove.

Foes Encountered[edit]

  • The Police Chief (deceased): The chief of the police officers. He was the first major foe the Berenstain Bears encountered. Aware of the atrocities the Berenstain Bears are committing, he sends police officer after police officer after them. He was eventually killed after the Berenstain Bears stormed his police station and shot him in the head.
  • The Sensei {deceased}: A ninja master who sent his ninjas after the Berenstain Bears.
  • Osama Bin Laden: Terrorist and leader of the criminals.
  • The Mayor: The primary antagonist of the TV series, he sends several of the more powerful people around town to kill the Berenstain Bears.

Friends and Family[edit]


A ruthless loan shark who is guilty of many crimes, ranging from extortion to child endangerment. You don't want to owe him money....


A 50-foot tall bear who is the Berenstain Bear's last line of defense. He has three goons, Skuzz, Smirk, and Vinnie, which are weapons of the Berenstain Bears as well.

Farmer Ben

A farmer who farms marijuana, tobacco and crack.

Lizzy Bruin

Sister's right-hand bear.

Miss Honeybear

A kindergarten teacher who assaults her students.


Too-Tall's father who is the King of all Bears, and the Father of all Monsters.

Notorious Allies[edit]

If you see that a bear that looks like this, RUN!

Notable Victims[edit]