Bernard's watch

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“The main watch featured in this article belongs to Bernard”

~ Captain Obvious on Bernard's Watch

Bernard's Watch is the televisual documentation of a young boy's adventures using the timestopomoclock 2000B, one of the many devices on the market that has the ability to stop Time. The documentary begins with the conclusively humourous take on Bernard's first encounter with the Postman, a Paedophile posing as a lovable yet wise advisor to 'special' children who have been designated worthy of a stopomoclock model licence, and ends with the un'time'ly end of the space, and more importantly, time continuum rending Bernard's Watch useless, causing him to throw a tantrum which subsequently creating a paradox as who can throw a tantrum when there is no space? Let alone time. This paradox is a theory for the beginning of the universe.

Issues Dealt With[edit]


The Physics of Bernard's watch are simple and terrifying, arguably the two best adjectives.

First off, when one has clicked the watch button thing everything else in the universe is still apart from you. This is a strange idea as if the universe cannot move through time then how can bernard see? Light travels through time, this means that all the photons or whatever must be in midair somewhere and not going into bernard's eye. Also, what about the air particles? They don't move either so how can he breathe?

It can be argued that when Bernard touches something he can move it, so when his eyes or hands come into contact with photons or objects such as a bag of garden gnomes, they are permitted to move.

Maybe Bernard brings an air pocket with him on his stop time adventure. Yeah. That sounds about right.

Of course this doesn't explain how it is that, if the Earth itself stops, but Bernard does not, why does he not fly off into space due to carrying the momentum from the Earth's spin and orbit?

The answer is magic.

Stupidness and/or Unwillingness[edit]

I, and many others, agree that Bernard is a douchebag. This argument is based on the fact that Bernard never does anything cool such as steal ferraris or take over the world with his apparent omnipotence. If i could stop time i'd be sailing through life without a care in the world. I could do crap loads of shit, get the answer to any question or even punch Bernard in the face like I've always wanted, or even most importantly grope some tit

That's a point. If time = money then if Bernard can stop time he can also stop money. Stopping money implies it was going somewhere such as into corporations if he stopped all the money in the world then it might be a good thing. Maybe.



Bernard is the main character. He owns the watch which can stop time. He's done some stuff, not very interesting but worth a gander.

The Postman[edit]

Not to be confused with the Ghostman or even the Mostman, both much more notable entities that this guy. He shows up a few times to tell Bernard not to be greedy or stop time-looping and stuff.

The Watch[edit]

Most viewers do not consider the watch to be character but you might as well put it down to fill some space on this god forsaken 'pedia. The watch works by trapping dark energy in a laundromatrix 101 turbaru-system. It releases it at a frequency of 1.1897 GHz, equal to the resonant frequency of time, ironically the same frequency as you.