Bernie Madoff

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Bernard Lawrence '"Bernie", "Swindler", "That Ponzi Prick"' Madoff (pronounced Made - off, as he probably Made-off with your money, too) is a former BAWSAQ chairman, financier and since 1960 had made a foray into swindling. Born on 29 April 1938 in New York (in the United States, just in case you were unsure of its location), to parents Ralph and Sylvia, Madoff later went on to become responsible for the largest swindle in American history.

In 1960 Bernie Madoff founded the Wall Street firm Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities LLC, serving as its chairman until his December 2008 arrest. It is believed that through this organisation Madoff swindled over sixty-five billion USD ($65,000,000,000), although, to be honest, it is more likely that he swindled in excess of $35,634,537,469,583,460,957.35 USD (and thus contributed to the 2009-onwards Global F*cked-up Crisis [GFC] in the process).

Bernie Madoff was arrested in December 2008 on eleven different charges, which, truthfully, are the same crime but under eleven different names.

(Some of) The Swindler's Charges:

  • Securities fraud
  • Investment advisor fraud
  • Mail fraud
  • Wire fraud
  • Money laundering
  • False statements
  • Perjury
  • Making false filings with the SEC
  • Theft from an employee benefit plan.

Madoff was sentenced to 150 years, twenty-three days, four hours, thirty two minutes, six seconds and eighty-eight hundredths-of-a-second in prison as inmate number #61727-054. He is due for release on 14 November 2159. A film portraying his life, I Am Madoff, will be released in cinemas upon his release.

Early life[edit]

In his early years a young Bernard Madoff was noticed by his parents to have an extraordinary mathematical ability, and was even able to effectively 'multiply' certain aspects of the world around him. On one occasion, his parents found that after he had taken a chocolate bar to a service station, he returned with fifty. His recalled his reasoning in a 1987 interview:

'I said to the gas station attendant one day, "I can get you fifty chocolate bars if you give me just one." So, he fell for it.'

Madoff was raised as a member of the Jewish faith and was first educated at Far Rockabybaby High School in 1956. He got a bum job as a plumber before trying his hand at swindling stockbroking. He escaped transferred from the University of Sweet Home Alabama to the Hoffa University, where he graduated from in 1960.

He married his high school sweetheart Ruth Alpern in 1959, and together they have two sons (although the number of children Madoff actually fathered is estimated to be in the thousands).

Bernie Madoff: By the numbers -

I Am Madoff[edit]

I Am Madoff is a science-fiction film depicting the life of Bernie Madoff. It stars Will Smith in the lead role as the title character. In the film, Madoff is the last corrupt financier left on Earth, and whoever he comes into contact with threatens to 'straighten him out' and free him of his corruption. During the day, Madoff spends his time boarding up his 2006 Leopard yacht, Manhattan apartment, Montauk home, Palm Beach home Cap d' Antibes, and France home.

The Scandal[edit]