Bernoulli

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Bernoulli, or Leon Daniel Nicolaus Johann Jakob Bernoulli is a pan-dimensional hyper-intelligent man-shaped biscuit from an unknown planet far far away. Bernoulli travelled to earth and posed as 3 generations of swiss mathematicians and scientists. For reasons that remain unknown

Origins[edit]

Bernoulli was probably born or spawned in some way. But we don't know how, because it happened such a terribly long time ago and much much futher away than one can possibly imagine. But historians of man-shaped biscuit people believe his mum was called Cheryl. Planet Antwerp in the Belgium galaxy might have been the birthplace of Bernoulli. David Icke, a prominent man-shaped biscuit historian believes this is the case. The reason, sayeth he, why there appears to be no Belgium galaxy is that it is so far away that light from the galaxy needed a visa and got stopped by imigration services when it tried to enter our atmosphere. Another theory is that Bernoulli's claim to be from the possibly ficitious planet Antwerp is that it was his cover story, and nobody cares enough about Belgium to check up on it.

Life on Earth[edit]

Bernoulli was a close friend and contemporary of Jesus and it was Bernoulli's scientific brain (and unimaginably superior intellect) that helped Jesus perform some of his miracles. Later on Bernoulli resurfaced in Switzerland pretending to be a scientist, his brother, a mathematician, their father, their uncle and their cousin simultaneously. That no female members of the Bernoulli clan were ever spotted was not worthy of comment since it was well known that Bernoulli invented cloning. And he was a gay. After a brief love affair with Nostradamus which ended because Nostradamus tried to nibble on Bernoulii's biscuity goodness, Bernoulli left planet Earth and was never heard from again. Until he resurfaced as a zombie. After this Nostradamus took to kitten huffing and published his decidedly confused memoirs, which contained some fragmented parts of what Bernoulli had told him about the future. Oh yeah, did I mention Bernoulli could see the future? Well, he could.

Contributions to puny Earthling Science[edit]

As well as inventing cloning, bifocal lenses and Urdu, Bernoulli helped investigate the Bernoulli-Leibniz-Feynman quantuum parallax topology effect on his return to earth, now zombified. It has been reported that Bernoulli also invented the zimmer frame and teeth. These rumours are unfounded.

Bernoulli also forged the Anti-Pope in the fires of Mount Doom with Anti-popions stolen from Fort Knox.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bernoulli.