Berowra

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Hole?
Bouncywikilogo7.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Berowra.
Contrary to popular belief, this large billboard standing at the entrance to Berowra is not a lesson on local geography but part of a cryptic propaganda campaign against syphyllis.

Berowra is internationally recognised as the point on the earth's surface below sea level. It is such a big hole that two most interesting things that have happened there in recent times were when it was nearly filled with water to fill the pools and water the gardens of better suburbs thats were flooded, and when it nearly burned down, much to the dismay of everyone trying to get north. Nobody really cared that everyone in Berowra nearly died. I personally did not.

Berowra Waters in nearby suburbs is somewhat a subject of jest and this has leaked onto Berowra itself. The main reasons for the jocular behaviour are the excessive amounts of unliscenced, rusty trailers padlocked to trees and the like, as well as the perceived nature of the residents living there. Other points of ridicule is the hazardous road conditions coming from Berowra, which are comparable to the nearby Galston Gorge (although it is of a poorer quality road, however there is not as much traffic), the "Sunday domestic ritual" of families trying to get their boats out of the water as soon as possible, the makeshift caravan ute permanently within the carpark, the tendency for the residents to pronounce Berowra "BER-RAEH-RAEH" and a man with a pointlessly small jetty.

Berowra newest update is the new hole. It is a brand new world record as it has finally reached 500m below sea level. A person from Berowra stated, "We are Actually the highest point in Sydney!"


Recent boycotts in the area have included a sharp decline in happy woodland Raccoon Tails which created a lot of sonicycism for tree huggers everywhere.

Other pronunciations of Berowra include: BEAH REAH REAH, DURKA DUUUURR, That place with the thing, Supermassive Black Mole.

UWSTOYU[edit]

The UWSTOYU (Pronounced Yous-toy) is a delicacy found only in BEAH REAH REAH as it is the only place where it is accepted, bred with, formulated, experimented on and is currently Mayor. The UWSTOYU (U Want Some Tacos On Your Ugly) is a formative stance also taken by CAIR and RAMJET (Resisting Amourous Mo'fos Jettisoning Evil Twins) to progressively indoctrinate Berowra into civilisation.

Famous people[edit]

Expert Bereahreahologists such as Carl Sagan have determined this to be the optimum distance from which to view Berowra without risking nasty side effects.

Philip Ruddock is the only Beah reah reahean known to come out of BEAH REAH REAH and have an IQ not in minus figures. He is however, the spawn and illegitimate lovechild of Satan and Berowra Stream And currently sucks up to Kim Beazly, or more appropriately, Kim Beazly's toes as most Berowrareans have an indescribable fetish for feet and butter.

Another famous Beah reah reahean is Simon the Egyptian, while not actually egyptian he was elected town leader in 1984 and has continued to provide support for the homeless, legless and IQ-less of berowra. In short, Simon the Egyptian supports the whole community. Most noted for slaying the Berowra Monster in mortal hand to hand combact on the banks of the Creek o' fear whish runs next to the local Fish and Chip shop.

Mr Adam and Nathan Coenraads are two other great names to come out of Berowra and although they have most of the characteristics of an average Berowrean he has developed an "Anti-Bogon" mutation over many years of living amongst them. As a small child, Adam was rescued by his parents from the depths of Mt Colah, a place near Berowra which the Australian nation has entirely disowned. Nathan however, was born into this bogon world we call Berowra. All the Bogon scientists and doctors in the local area have not been able to determine the source of Adam's mutation (but generally they are so drunk they don't even notice him anyway). Adam and Nathan were kidnapped by Mt. Colah-ers and they had attempted to bring them back to the real world again. Adam was released, Nathan, on the other hand, being in his young age wasn't released into the Berowra wild. He is currently presumed dead, from Mt. Colah's extremely retarded numbers of abnormally sized power-lines.

Editors Note: Phillip Ruddock was always a resident of Berowra. He was born in BEAH REAH REAH in 1943, educated in Berowra and lives out of BEAH REAH REAH DUKA DUHH. Also, i would disagree with his positive IQ, but strongly support dthe comments on his ancestory.

Berowra Freedom Front[edit]

Berowra has possessed one of the neighbouring suburbs, Cowan (A small suburb with little or nothing in its place) since 1998, when the fight between the two suburbs struck victory during the 'Battle over Cowan'. This all started when a guy from Mt. Colah (although he was automatically presumed from Cowan) violated Berowra Fort. They weren't slow to fight back, as they had already elected a Supreme Commander For the 'Raid of Cowan'. Unfortunately, this young man is currently under classified orders not to speak communicate or be social in any way possible, and even in some that are impossible. 'He' had crafted a Battle plan with a battle cry, and had only trained worthy Berowreans the art of fighting, the rest got taught the art of craft and fun. Over 3 unconfirmed bodies were found, they died from over ingestion of craft-paste. The Berowra Freedom Front was ready to begin fighting, the initial war was only 2 and a half days long. But some people just can't seem to understand the concept of the word 'STOP!'. 12 years later and 'he' continues his life at a steady and daily rate, doing one thing at a time. And up to this very day, Cowan remains under control by the local nemesis, and they all know one day the evil people of Cowan will fight back, and The Berowra Freedom Front will be ready for them.

The art of boating at Beah Reah Reah[edit]

Most people who visit Beah reah reah waters on boating expeditions are not actually from Beah reah reah itself. This is because people who live in Beah reah reah can't actually afford boats. Most people from NSW believe that those who live in QLD are quite the slow, bludgy type however Beah reah reah blows this whole concept out of the water. It is hands down, the most bludgiest town in Australia, possibly even the world and the architecture of beah reah reah is tribute to this fact. Boating in beah reah reah should be an art form in itself, because no matter who you are, you're going to run into a local who knows you're not from the area. When a beah reah rean makes contact with an "outsider" all hell breaks lose, this can be potentially dangerous when one is trying to put a boat in the water. The beah reah reans are known for sneaking up on their prey, jumping on their backs and trying to "Steal all the outsiders shit" as fast as they possibly can whilst the "outsider" is unaware of their presence. Most beah reah reans are actually invisible to the naked eye when in beah reah reah, they have blended in with their environment and take on a filthy detergent looking green colour. When lowering a boat off the ramp at berowra, it is recommended that a flare is thrown on the ground to deter the sneaky camoflagued scum attempting to "steal shit"


Bogonostism[edit]

Main Article: Bogon

Bagonostism is the religious cult form of Bogon-An extremist form of Bogan.

Bogonostism (or eskipornstubbybastard in Bogonish) is the official religion of Berowra. Berowra is the source and "home" of the religion. This uncommon and curious religion (or better, cult) involves the worship of swarm of drunken gods and is focused around the belief that the universe is actually one big stubby of VB. The great scriptures of Bogonostism were originally in the form of the words spoken by The Great All-Knowing Boony Doll. Bogonostism believes that the Earth exists only as a bubble in the beer contained in the stubby which will one day be drunk by a FUCKIN' HOT SHEILA and the 'time of judgement' will begin.

The Legendary Berowra Monster[edit]

The Berowra Monster was once a feared monstrosoty that moved throughout the Berwora wastelands preying upon those bogans who left their eskies out at night. He had the appearance of a rusty old ute with giant masculine antennas protruding from its "bumper bar" or to be anamotically correct, its snout and it could hold a mythical burden of over 4 metric tonnes on its tray. It has been passed down in BEAH REAH REAH REAN legend that its headlights can blind over four thousand undrunk bogons in a single flash, but since an undrunk bogon has never been found, this legend cannot be confirmed. It was eventually slayed by Simon The Egyptian who wielded the mighty North Shore Hammer against it. After its defeat, many Beah reah reaheans rejoiced by eating Berowra Tacos and sacrificing sheep to the mighty Viking God Thor. However it has been rumoured that the Berowra monster will once again be summoned from the depths of Berowra waters (where folk fear to tread) through many unusual dark bogonostic rituals involving the snackrifice of Phillip Ruddock to the bogon god of badness.

STBCF[edit]

Save the Berowrarean Children Foundation is a recently made foundation supported by former Berowrarean Philip Ruddock after his own mispent childhood in Berowra. The foundation was created to extract children from berowra to give them a real education (cherrybrook level or higher) hopefully to rid the world of the lack of porters, Macdonalds employees and Dragon Riders. Set up in 2006 and is claiming to operational in 1666 with 16 Black Hawk Helicopters armed with a phaser cannon to keep the bogan parents at bay while there children are bundled into one of the planned 2200 Hessian sacks to whisk them away to Cherrybrook for their education in porter Ettiquette, Greasiness or Dragonology.

A notable happening in STBCF history was the run of the Berowra Bus where native Indian driver Gherka-Paul Attwhal made the treacherous run through the treacherous Berowra valley and over the Berowra water ferry, stopping only once for a Berowra Burrito. His plight however was unsuccessful and ended with his demise along with some 22 other berowra school children after they were huffed by the Ol' Schoolin' Berowra Monster. A monument was recently erected in his honour just outside Westfield Hornsby in the form of a clock. Rumours are abound that sometimes you can see his clock move around and a silvery apparation sometimes appears from it. Because of this loss Gherka-Paul was replaced with Dave the Bus Driver.

Some critics argue that sending the children to Cherrybrook would give them less of a chance at life, the resident of Cherrybrook have grunted non-commitally in reply then resumed to lick their palms.

Exports[edit]

BEAH REAH REAH stream is adapt to flowing both ways backwards, hence allowing for a passageway into Mt Colah and Hornsby. Berowra also has a steady run of goombas after a brief contract with Koopa that allowed BEAH REAH REAH to continue it's way of unnatural life. Fishing in BEAH REAH REAH is comparable to having a real life play through of Resident Evil 4 except the enemies try to kill you by forcing their way in your throat and making you into a BEAH REAH REAN. Remember to always, while in a village with a pseudozombie infestation to trust the almost entirely cloaked up and concealed guy with a 1800s British accent who says "got some raaaaare things on sale" all the while able to happily conceal a rocket launcher on his person, stranger.

Berowra is also a strong supporter and developer of lager. In fact if you have ever enjoyed the taste of lager, it is likely you have been infected by Berowraean's infamous "Dance of the Ruddock".

Other things Berowra is responsible for[edit]

  • The Berowra Bus and it's Legendary run.
  • Gherka-Paul Attwhal
  • Deep seated emotional problems stemming from small jettys.
  • Zombie Jesus
  • Several different words for knick-knack. Some of them foreign words.
  • The parking meter spooning out precisely when you are trying to run to a nuclear bomb because you know the PIN to open your account and then triumphantly rejoice knowing you are the person who was the last person ever to use an ATM. It's a minor victory, sure. I mean it's not like anyone is going to remember your name because everyone will be dead, but hey at least you'll know! Well... not for long, if you do it right and be really careful about it (parking meter afflicted with Bereahtitititis pending)and make sure you are the absolute last, you got like half a second there buddy. In fact, the better you do it, the less time you'll be able to enjoy this victory of yours before the mutant rats decide you'd make a nice snack. So why would you do it anyway?
  • Tacos, Beah Reah Reah style (not actually a Taco, simply water from cupped hands from Berowra Creek. Be sure after you get the dizzying affect of losing 50 IQ points per nanosecond that you don't eat your cupped hands in the interim, that's known as...
  • Berowra Burritos
  • Incest
  • Leonardo DiCaprio
  • Encyclopedia Dramatica
  • Were-ferrets
  • A neo-combination of French Classical music and Indian punk rock to create the music that the Berowra dance is performed to. Often described by critics as "A pleasing sound was drunk"
  • This article
  • Dead Articles on Uncyclopedia