Beverley Sisters

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Part of a series of articles on
I am the Good Shepherd...

Evil Jesus
The Apostles
Heaven and/or Hell
Great Schism
The Crusades

The Trinity
The Father
The Son (Jesus Christ)
The Holy Spirit

The Bible
Old Testament
New Testament
The Gospels
Ten Commandments

Christian theology
Fall of Man · Grace
Salvation · Justification
Christian worship
Mortal Sin

Christian Church
Roman Catholicism
The Pope
Eastern Orthodoxy
Protestantism Christian erudition
Christian denominations
Christian movements
Christian ecumenism
Christian scholastica
Christian discourses

Important Figures
Apostle Paul
Augustine · Aquinas
Wycliffe · Luther
Calvin · Trammell
· Carver

The Beverley Sisters or The Order of The Blessed Beverley Sisters of No Mercy are a cult of evangelical Christian feminists who are based in Kensington, London, England. They were founded during World War II in the face of mounting pressure for every woman in the country to be renamed Vera Lynn.

Every member of the Beverley Sisters is renamed simply 'Beverley' upon admission. The current Primate of the organization is Beverley, with Beverley as Deputy Primate, Beverley as Treasurer, and serving as Sergeant at Arms, Beverley.


As of 2004 their roster contained 800,000 members, of which most actively attend meetings. Membership carries significant influence in Britain, including free admission to tennis matches and free access to mandatory singing lessons.

The prerequisites of membership are (in order of importance):

  1. Prospective member must be female
  2. Prospective member must have blonde hair
  3. Prospective member must have a vehement hatred of Vera Lynn
  4. Prospective member must be dead


The Beverley Sisters are best known for their bland songs, which contain simmering and vengeful undertones that are often ignored by the ignorant public. Their performances feature at least 700 members singing in close harmony with inane grins etched upon their faces. As a collective music act, the Beverley Sisters have become world famous, and have many fans of prominence, including Bob Holness, Jeb Bush, David Beckham, George W. Bush and Martha Stewart (who many believe is an honorary member).

They are also famous for their protracted war against the Salvation Army, which started in 1947 and lasted until a truce was forged by Prime Minister Tony Bliar in 1959. Casualties were limited, although collateral damage was severe. There were no survivors.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Beverley Sisters.