Biff and Chip

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Many of the characters in the Biff and Chip series of books are based on many famous mythical beings, so therefore the idea was totally unoriginal and the legends were just written down. In history, Biff, pronounced B-if, is the Gaelic God of terrorism, who until 1998 was worshipped by the IRA. Chip was the nomadic peoples of Germania's supreme God of fried potato products. Other characters names also have historical significance: Kipper was the ancient God of indoor footwear for 3 1/2 months between 1231 BC and 1232 BC (but was later bought out by Coca-Cola). Wilf and Wilma were the twin Gods of non-racial discrimination in the Algiers, and 'Grandma' (which originally was pronounced Gran-dema, though the name was mispronounced by a passing scotsman and the current pronunciation stuck) was the ruler of the underworld in Argentina, similar to current day 'Satan'.

The origin of the name floppy is unknown, but it is rumoured to have come about when Shakespeare misheard Wilde talking about his homosexual relations with old men. All Shakespeare heard was "Floppy Do-g". Pitty Will didn't know Oscar couldn't pronounce his 'n's.


The original plot of the series was the concept of 'magic key' (usually located on floppy's collar), which they used to enter a small doll house. Upon the opening of the doll house, the kids are transported to different adventures including a pirate ship (The mysterious anal-displeasure of Roger the cabin boy), an Austrian dungeon (Fritzl explains S+M) and a cake factory (Oscar's 'special' cream cake). It is rumoured that the latter adventure was actually an adaptation of Oscar Wilde's time working in a bakery. The usage of this base plot was very successful, making a profit of a tuppence, five pennies and a ha'penny (considering a penny was worth twenty Ugandan dollars of today's money, this was very good earnings for the trio).


Shakespeare and Wilde originally thought the content and radical ideas expressed in their books were way above the mental capacity of the mainstream village idiot-type peoples who largely inhabited the European continent, but Raphael threatened to hit them so hard that their mothers would feel it, so the books were published. Little did the Italian sculptor know the forcoming social shockwaves of his threats...

Social and Political Upheavel caused by Biff and Chip[edit]

The Biff and Chip original series 1.0, written under the pen name A.N.Onymous, was first released in 'the Gambia' because the authors were on a budget. Small sales figures due to lack of written language in this nation at the time almost bankrupt he trio. However, this was not the only trouble which the three ran into after their books were published in Gambia. The nation's motto, 'eyes are for seeing, not for reading' quoted from the ancient Gambian philosopher 'Old blind man from round corner', meant that the Gambians were outraged at this so-called 'blasphemy', and in protest urinated on the door of their local rented accommodation.

Exiled from Gambia, the broke trio walked all the way back to Athens, a distance of roughly 4 cornish miles. They agreed to try once again to publish their books, but lack of money meant Wilde had to pawn his collection of eyebrows.