Biffy Clyro

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Barr Irn-Bru 6 X 330 Ml Pack.jpg Yon article may be overly Scottish, no British. Ye shouldnae dae anyhin tae fix it.
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Biffy Clyro.
Biffy Clyro in 2006

Biffy Clyro is the love child of Sunny Day Real Estate and Mineral. When Jeremy Enigk performed a series of sexual acts on Chris Simpson, the result was Biffy Clyro (sometimes referred to as "Buffy Clitoris"). Biffy is deeply Scottish, having grown up on the Isle of Skye. This influences much of her music, which she describes as Rock/Emo/Pop/Stargaze/Surf/Jungle/Cheesecake, with a pinch of Dance. She has also had a moderately successful film career, with roles in films such as The Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, and many more!

Biffy Clyro has released four full length albums. She has achieved great critical acclaim and has sold over 2,000,000,000 records. All four albums have gone straight to Number 1 in the UK Singles Chart and American Billboard Hot 100.

Her most famous bootleg is the King Tut's bootlegTM. This was recorded live during Biffy Clyro's gig at the burial of King Tutankamun in 1323 BC[1]. It is said to contain the Secret of Eternal Youth, and is highly prized among her fans. If you have it, upload plz.

Disco-Graphy[edit]

Albums[edit]

Singles[edit]

Taken from Blackened Skye

  • 2+7 - About a sum she did in maths once
  • Lustboy - About a boy she fancied in Skye High School
  • 5-7 - About a harder sum she did in maths once
  • Boy.Discovers.Infection / Boys,Boys,Boys 'Whatta joke' Boys,Boys,Boys - About sexually transmitted infections

Taken from The Vertigo Of Ness

  • The Ideal Light - About scottish power
  • Menstruations and Dancers - About periods in strip clubs
  • Validate the Pout - I really have no idea

Taken from Inverness-y Land

  • Peter & Norma - Dedicated to her old Skye neighbours
  • My Discography Collection - About Biffy's CD collection
  • Only Young Worms Are Hard To Find - About worms in Scotland
  • There's No Such Thing As A Loch Ness Monster - Her thoughts on the legend

Taken from Muddle

  • semi-dental - About a tooth who never grew through properly and his struggle to survive in a world that didn't want him.
  • Once-a-day Superscouse - About a Liverpudlian ex-boyfriend with an inflated opinion of himself, despite his poor sexual stamina.
  • Requests For King Tuts Bootlegs Are A Problem Because They Don't Die - Upload plz
  • Holding Bras - Biffy's experiences of underwear shopping
  • Fashions - About her terrible fashion sense
  • whos got a match? - About her pyromaniac days

Taken from a possible future album or maybe not

  • Mountains - About the rise of Biffy's rise in popularity

The Fanclub[edit]

A recent shot of the BCFA

Officially, BCFA stands for "Biffy Clyro Fan Association". Colloquially, it is understood to be an abbreviation of "Biffy Clyro's Freakin' Army". Biffy is one of the few music artists in the world (see also Phil Collins and Bob Geldof) who has her own private militia. The army's principal purpose is the neutralisation of critics and journalists who write negative reviews. They also eliminate particularly vocal members of the public who speak against their queen. Originally, the army's tactic was to flame their target, annoying them so much that they would commit suicide, or worse, change their screen-name to escape the horror. Since the release of Inverness-y Land, the BCFA prefers assault rifles and mini-nukes.

Trivia[edit]

  • The woman on the cover of "The Vertigo Of Ness" is Biffy Clyro's grandmother. That stopped you looking, didn't it? Biffy knows what you do at night. And she's not impressed.
  • Biffy Clyro tried to kick start her modelling career by appearing sexily on the covers to "the vertigo of ness", unfortunately no modelling magazines ever saw the artwork and so Biffy is confined to pole-dancing at King-Tuts instead
  • Biffy is a big fan of Hellraiser; The My Discography Collection artwork shows what Biffy looked like on Halloween while trying to look like Pinhead.
  • you may not have noticed, but "semi-dental" is all lowercase. i noticed.
  • Biffy Clyro has a sister named Sue Chi O'Perro. Together they created a little incest child (probably through IVF or something), who they named Marmalade Puke.
  • Unberella, Biffy Clyro's number one hit for 6 weeks, was written by American classical singer Rhianna.

Notes[edit]

  1. Biffy looks good for her age.

Link[edit]