Big crunch

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The Big crunch is a possible end to our own universe. Many people believe this is what is going to happen, and others are skeptical. The big crunch would mean that the fate of the universe is that all matter will collapse in on itself creating a point of infinite density, ending the universe.

How Would it Happen[edit]

Many scientists now believe that our universe is just a big whoopee cushion, and that are ultimate fate in this universe is to be put in a chair of a 429 pound high school girl,and be sat on. Yes, it is the horrible truth. They have reasons to believe that the boy pulling the prank is 14 and is doing it for the sole purpose of humiliating the fat chick. Others think that the crunch will happen when "gravitational forces halt the expansion of the universe" HAH. What do they think we are, brainless?! What a bunch of heretics.

So The Big Bang is???[edit]

As suspected

Yes. You guessed it. The Big Bang was nothing more that the boy blowing air into the cusion, thus unwillingly creating a universe which to us may seem incomprehensibly large, but to him is about 5 inches long. On top of that, the time passing here is almost no time passing for the boy. In fact, right now, we are most likely sitting in a chair while the boy is eating lunch. Many believe that it will be billions of years before the boy finishes lunch, and another billion for his class to get back to their room. This is what scientists believe is the kind of cushion our universe is in.

Effect On Society[edit]

Many people are deeply affected by this discovery even to the point where they sit in corners and do nothing but bite their nails. And when their nails are gone, they go eat some cereal. Still others have gone far enough as to commit suicide...but then chicken out at the end. These people, are all blondes, who think 20 billion years is tomorrow. Other than that however, society isn't effected at all.

What if the Kid Forgets about the Cushion[edit]

Well scientists are studying hard to see what would happen if the boy completely forgets about his prank or if a teacher spots the cushion. They now think that if that happened the universe would never end and will instead stay the way it is. This is highly unlikely however, since a study of school bullies and whoopy cushion pranks show that bullies have a tendency to remember everything they do.


  • The Universe is aproximately 5792 Fatchickillions in length, but for the bully only 5 inches.
  • Pie is the most abundant substance in the known universe.
  • I might be lying about everything in this article.
  • No, I'm not. I was kidding. Don't listen to what I just said.
  • Cheesecake is the second most abundant substance in the known universe.
  • Toilet Paper is a myth.

See Also[edit]