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The bikini bathing suit was invented by George Bush and Freemasons as a weapon of mass-turbation.

The bikini is thought to be the cause of certain intense male psychological conditions such as mental paralysis, physical inactivity, drooling, and stiffining of certain male joints. Alternately, they may induce vomiting in some males. Bikinis are thought to be a major cause of all world events. The bikinis are known to be so hot that they cause global warming. NBA player Kobe Bryant once took a bikini to court, claiming it forced him to rape a woman wearing it. The judge took one look at the bikini and kicked Kobe in the nuts. Not only are bikinis psychologically damaging, but physically as well. They cause males to masturbate furiously, thus killing many un-huffed kittens, and ultimately damaging their reproductive organs.

Many girls are banned from wearing bikinis as they implode uncontrollably when their belly buttons are exposed to oxygen. If you are male, the chance that you are reading this paragraph statistically approaches zero.

This is a girl in a very nice-looking bikini. Notice the puddle of male drool she is wading in. She looks good doing it too. We need a picture here!!


The year 2006 is acknowledged as the 50th anniversary of the bikini. In honor of the occasion, women worldwide were called on to get their 50-year-old bikinis out of asses and closets, to wear in a celebratory parade through the streets of New York City. The plans were stymied, however, when the state of New York passed emergency legislation requiring all parade participants to obtain and wear antique vehicle licenses on both front and rear of their persons.

The original wearers of the bikinis, now many of them in their early to mid seventies, thought they looked damned snappy in them, and had been seriously looking forward to leading the parade, and were no so pissed off that they almost couldn't speak. Footage of their complaints almost made the amatuer porn news.

Bikini Atoll[edit]

Bikini Atoll is a small island located in the South Pacific. Discovered in 1948 the island was found to be populated entirely by young, beautiful women. Due to the shortage of available nylon and shiny pleather the women have been forced to ration fabrics often being forced into forgoing a top or wearing only a string.

Woman forced into wearing an iPod because of cloth shortage.

Bikini Contests[edit]

A strange phenomena found to originate on Bikini Atolls after the First Hydrogen bomb was tested in 1974. Since then, when ever a large amount of radiation reaches a critical mass (usually fueled by cheap beer, and lack of masturbatory fodder) a bikini contest seems to explode out of nowhere. The winner may travel to America. The losers lose their bikinis and are swallowed by the resident dragons of Bikini Atoll. With ketchup. There is mysteriously never a shortage of contestants. Ever.

All these girls were eaten with ketchup after Pamela Anderson traveled back in time and won.

When you wear bikini[edit]

My pic when I wore a bikini

You look sexy when you wear bikini. Everybody loves girls in bikini. Don't you?

My pic when I wore a bikini

See also[edit]