Bill the cat
Bill the cat is...er...a cat named Bill. In late December 1989, Bill the Cat, former politician, LSD user, Krishna member, boyband frontman and one time repository for the brain of Donald Trump, fought Mike Tyson at Madison Square Gardens.
Following this Charity Heavyweight contest, communist demagogues cited the startling lack of post match media publicity as a clear indication of FBI involvement and thought control programs via Professional Boxing. In a press report the FBI furiously denied that Bill the Cat was in fact the President, saying that the White House's new billion dollar contract with the Iraqi based "Meccakitty" cat litter company was a crucial step in the UN's "Oil for Cat Litter" program.
Before the contest Bill the Cat failed to put on weight as per his training schedule, due in part to substandard Kitty litter and a bad case of tapeworm. Therefore it was the decision of his trainer Dan Quayle to strap Bill's tongue to 300 pounds of young Evander Hollyfield. (Ironically, Tyson would meet Hollyfield later in his career, after which time he was accused by his psychiatrist of having retardation and drug addiction, and participating in cat abuse and peadophilia, and being a filthy commie.) Mike Tyson's trainer, Ralph Yarborough, threw in the towel half way through the 12th.
George Bush Sr., speaking live on CNN after the contest, said, "ffthnn... nhnnurths!!!" Later that year he was diagnosed with an advanced case of Tourette's Syndrome and went on to develop an anal oil fixation, according to Sigmund Freud.
Bill the Cat was last seen in Iran after becoming Sultan of Ashgabat.