Billie Jean

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“She's not my lover.”

~ Michael Jackson on Billie Jean
Billie Jean

Billie Jean is not just any lover, she is singer Michael Jackson's pet llama.. This follows a tradition whereby famous singers have included hidden references to their lovers in their music, thinly disguised as a "person". For instance Barry Manilow sings about his "pet" dog in "Mandy", and The Beach Boys "Barbara Ann" was about a pot-bellied pig. Eric Clapton's "Layla" was dedicated to his favourite Amoeba. Legends of Billie Jean infer that she is the patron saint of damaged Mopeds. Billie Jean also starred in many of Jackson's other, more well known songs such as: Bob the Builder, Attack of the Killer Boobs and the infamous Death Valley, which was imported by Donald Duck in 1336.

Early Life[edit]

Many people confuse Billie Jean with this one chick who cut her hair and kinda looks like a dike."

Few people truly knew the powers of Billie Jean until it was too late for them and the rest of humankind. She set back the course of history by centuries through a determined effort to force commuters into using only unicycles. Claiming she could do this because of 'pilatical capitol' (not to be confused with 'political capitol') gained in some form of election, she burned the cities and many protestors to cinders. Exactly how this happened, no historian fully understands, since everyone knows llamas don't know how to use fire (see also llamas v. fire). Conspiracy theorists claim that Billie Jean actually kicked over a lantern, similar to the way that Mrs. O'Leary's cow was supposed to have. This is mere speculation, though, because everyone also knows that llamas don't kick lanterns like cows (see also llamas v. cows).

Middle Life[edit]

Defeated tennis pro and shemale chauvanist Bobby "Cathy" Rigby 6-4, 6-1, plus 2 of three falls in a Jello wrestling pit and 4 out of 7 games of Snap, not forgetting the all important 2 of 3 games of Rock, Paper & Scissors (see also Bad Excuses)

Later Life[edit]

Died (see also death). She was burnt in an oven, as a Scary Old Man With Big Mustache(SOMWBM) attacked Neverland Ranch (See also Yucatán and Hee-hee!). Her remains were scattered around the world in a Giant Sock.

After Life[edit]

To be determined.