BillyMobile

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The BillyMobile carrying its owner home after a long day of screwing you.

An experimental vehicle designed to assist Microsoft founder and chairman Bill Gates in making his 2,347-mile commute from The Sixth Circle of Hell to his offices in Redmond, Washington, the BillyMobile has never actually been seen by anyone outside of Gates' special BillyMobile Research and Development team, which is rumored to consist of Oscar Wilde, all four members of Abba, former U.S. Surgeon General and gay-porn superstar C. Everett Koop, international heart-throb Brad Pitt, international lama-throb Johnny Fartpants, and a grapefruit. (Needless to say, the team is vastly larger and more qualified than Microsoft's other Research and Development team, the one responsible for quality assurance.)

Engine Specifications[edit]

The BillyMobile is powered by Microsoft Windows, giving the vehicle a top speed of up to $40,000 dollars per year, when not prevented from working by bugs. The engine contains 18 cylinders, 6 cones, 3 tetrahedrons, and an assortment of other non-Pythagorean geometric shapes whose sinister, evil purpose can only be guessed at.

Weapons[edit]

Sporting a vast array of highly-sophisticated and deadly weaponry, the BillyMobile is capable of killing up to 50 million small-to-medium-sized businesses on a single tank of fuel. Its most deadly weapon is the forward crash inducer ray, which can cause virtually any computer to stop working completely at a range of over 2,000 meters. Other weapons include a newly developed top-secret nuclear-powered kitten huffing device.

Amenities[edit]

In order to better satisfy Gates's lustful and rapacious primal urges, The BillyMobile is equipped with over 1,700 monitors displaying non-stop streaming internet pornography, as well as a working sno-cone machine, soft ice cream dispenser, and a massive collection of Nintendo video games. It also features a state-of-the-art audio system, consisting of an iPod attached to a joy buzzer. This system allows Gates to spread unlimited fear and terror over his daily commuting route.

See also...