Billy Bob Thorton

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A Billy Bob in its natural environment

“There ain't no gas in it. ”

~ Sling Blade on Angelina Jolie's lips

“In Soviet Russia, Blade slings you. ”

~ Russian reversal on Billy Bob Thornton
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Billy Joe Horton Lucky old Bastard (Genus/Species: Slingbladeus Hammeredjolieous) was a close and personal friend to Einstein. During a binge drinking contest between Albert Einstein, Henry Rutherford, and Billy Bob, Einstein came up with the theory of quantum mullets where as the mass of a hair cut is directionly proportional to the height of the dew, magnetic lines of thrust will cut perpendicular to the time space continuum resulting matter being in two places at once.

Billy Bob in his "Operation Mullet" years

After a week of trying to prove this theory, Einstein realized that the night they came up with the theory they were way blasted out of there minds resulting in Billy Bob's brain damage, and still laugh about it to this day. The U.S. government used Billy Bobs head for further experimenting in the late 50s and named the project "operation mullet". Certain scientists still believed in Einsteins theory of quanum mullets and carried on to prove it. Although many small villages in Uganda were decimated by the amount of energy released from Billy Bobs head, atomic replication just is not possible.

Rehersal as "Boss Hog"

Transforming to the luckiest man in the universe[edit]

In the mid 18th century Billy Bob got to play a part in a reality show about his normal daily life. The playwrights wanted to name it "Death to a hillbilly", but they quickly changed it to "Sling Blade". In the play Billy Frank had a chance to act as himself and carry on with his normal day to day actions, such as drinking, bar-b-queing roadkill, playing his banjo for city boys going on a canoe trip, drinking more, fucking his cousins,(cousins referring to sisters and grandmother), drinking more and then being a pedophile. Although he wasn't really acting, America thought he did a wonderful job representing their fellow country men, he was awarded with Grammys and a dogshit Tony award. Angelina Jolie was starting her addiction to orphan blood moonshine.

Billy Bob as a punk as a little wuss

Shortly after his unremarkably brilliant victory in "redneck adventures in the hillbilly midwest", aka Sling Blade, Billy Joe had a chance to really act in a movie. The movie was called Pussing ten which was going to be a hardcore porn involving him playing the part of a pizza delivery boy who gets to brownhole ten clones of Angelina Jolie, but then the film writers being the gay pricks they are made it the heaviest piece-o-goat-ass of a film by making it into an afterschool special about a hard working air traffic controller, rockstar supernova wanna-be, and his alcoholic, lesbian, whore of a wife. Fortunately for Billy Goat's Gruff, Angelina was violently addicted to alcoholic blood of children, consequently only he and one other life-form left on earth had the recipe for fermenting it. Billy Bod then persuaded the young voluptuous Angelina to him they wed.

His musical side[edit]

Being a skilled banjo player,(playing for tourist and then makeing them "squeal like a pig"), Billy John decided to form a band in the early 70s and name it "The Inbred Hicks Project, later changed to "Reverend Thornton Heat"

Reverend Thornton Heat

. In 1973 they produced their first single to make radio time entitled "Squeal like a pig, Boy". The single made it to -15 on the American music list for 3.3 seconds, and stayed at number 2 for twenty-six years on the pop charts in a small village in Kenya. Later the young Grand Dragon George Bush and his trusty steed Burnt Reynalds starred in a film version of the movie. Although due to Reynalds' swollen sphincter, the movie didn't have half as much sodomy as Billy Bob suggested. America was amazed at the way the film truthfully depicted Americas lower class.

Here are the lyrics to Squeal like a pig boy

Christmas Favorites

You let me desicrate you

You let me penetrate you

You let me suffacate you

You let me complicate you, help me

you broke apart my insides

you got no soul to tell

the only thing that works for me

help me get away from myself, I want you to squeal like a pig boy

I want to feel you from the inside

I want you to squeal like a pig boy

You get me closer to dogs.

In the early ninties, industrial rock band NIN did a remix of Billy Bobs #1 song and made billions of dollars from it.

Filmmakers of the World
Epic Visionaries

Michelangelo Antonioni | Ingmar Bergman | Peter Bogdanovich | Robert Bresson | Charlie Chaplin | Coen Brothers | Francis Ford Coppola | Cecil B. De Mille | Clint Eastwood | Federico Fellini | John Ford | D.W. Griffith | Alfred Hitchcock | Abbas Kiarostami | Sergio Leone | Martin Scorsese | Steven Spielberg | Andrei Tarkovsky | Orson Welles | James Cameron | Akira Kurosawa

Not-So-Epic Visionaries

Michael Bay | Uwe Boll | Tim Burton | Ken Burns | John Carpenter | Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer | Mel Gibson | Tom Green | Catherine Hardwicke | Spike Lee | George Lucas | Dolph Lundgren | McG | Michael Moore | Leonard Nimoy | Guy Ritchie | George Romero | Joel Schumacher | M. Night Shyamalan | Alan Smithee | Oliver Stone | Billy Bob Thornton | Tommy Wiseau | John Woo | Ed Wood | Rob Zombie | Nicholas Webster | Roger Corman | Ang Lee

Highly Respected in France

Woody Allen | Darren Aronofsky | Mel Brooks | Sofia Coppola | Jean-Luc Godard | Jim Jarmusch | Charlie Kaufman | Jerry Lewis | David Lynch | Rob Schneider | Lars von Trier

Highly Confusing in Japan

Milos Forman | Terry Gilliam | Akira Kurosawa | Russ Meyer | Quentin Tarantino

Highly Disturbing in Mexico

Guillermo del Toro | Jared Hess

Highly Racist in Suid-Afrika

Neill Blomkamp

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