Billy Idol

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The Man Himself[edit]

Dr. Billy Idol (Born William Fredrick-Sanchez Idol V, Fuck You, or whatever the fuck his given name is) is a world-reknown monster hunter, and guardian of punk rock, and prominent scientist studying theoretical physics. He is most notable for working alone in dark basements during thunderstorms, and he is well known for dancing at weddings, especially the first wedding for his little sister (presumably a shotgun wedding on a nice day). He has covered numerous subjects, including what happens when rock stars get interested in cyber punk and do a poor job at it, and he is also known for introducing the letter L to the English language. Most people misunderstood this and thought he was in fact saying Rebel "Yell". However, he was noting the rebellious nature of this new letter. Before becoming an official monster hunter master, Dr. Idol apprenticed under Van Helsing for many years, and is his greatest student and achievement.

Life as a monster hunter[edit]

In the Summer of 1993, His Best Friend Dononvan Chavin at the pie in which was given to him. ZAQQZSAupon seeing the results of "Cyberpunk," Dr. Idol decided to study cryptozoology, which lead him to Montana, where he began his hunt for the elusive Sasquatch. He tracked it through the forest for over six days before he found the beast, and he promptly killed it, which he did by hypnotising the creature with his upper lip, then punching it square in the jaw. Billy Idol is most likely the reason why Sasquatch will never been proven to exist.

Dr. Billy Idol had also slain the Minotaur on the island of Crete in 1995. He had spent two whole weeks searching for it with no food, no water, no guns or ammunition. Despite being bear naked in the wild he eventually he did find beast in the labrynth. Billy Idol and the Minotaur then fought in an epic dual with their bear hands that raged on for another two whole weeks. The battle ended when Idol got the upperhand and strangled the Minotaur with 2 and a half inches of yarn string. He took the Minotaurs' horns as a trophy and displayed them on a wall in his palace in Antartica.

Shortly after his experiences in Crete, Billy Idol was contacted by David Bowie, who informed him the Loch Ness Monster had appeared again. Doctor Idol hopped in the next plane to Loch Ness, where he swam to the bottom of the Loch and killed the beast. The body was donated to the Royal Navy for study.

Billy Idol is currently in Chile, tracking down the Chupacabra.

Life as a gundam pilot[edit]

He once in a desperate bid to take on a Grue piloted a Deathscyth Hell Custom. the following battle lead to the destruction of Atlantis, Mexican Jesus and Sarah Palin's left knocker. He never actually defeated the grue and was saved by Black Jesus and Barack Obama who later gifted him with the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to help in the fight against Mel Gibson.

Confrontation With MxPx[edit]

Once during an interview, Mike Herrera of MxPx spoke the fatal phrase, "so then I realized, that I can be Christian, and punk rock." At that moment, Billy Idol burst in through the window (which was closed) sending shattered glass shooting everywhere. He punched Mike Herrera in the face, breaking his nose into his ear, whilst screaming "No! You can't." The bloodied and battered pop-vocalist looked up at Doctor Idol, and said "but you're not punk rock." To which Billy Idol replied appropriately, "no, but I know what it is."

Andy Husted quit the band that day.

The March Against Kitten Huffing[edit]

Billy Idol was well known for his work with S.H.I.T., the Stop Huffing Innocent Tabbies Group. As the President of the group, he made many great strides torwards the war against kitten Huffing, the most notable being the inventor of the Ckicken Huff 100, 150, 200 and 15,675,301, which was essentially a reversed engineered super soaker. The Chicken Huff introduced a safe alternative to kitten huffing while offering more soul to boot. At the same time it allowed for the portability of "Huffed souls", these could be taken anywhere, for a good whiff, anytime. Being that chickens were much easier to obtain, chicken huffing rapidly took the place of kitten huffing, finally releasing the poor kittens from the evil grasp of the phenomenon that had swept the nation, killing them all in the process but also keeping them alive. Unfortunately, with the new threat of the avian flu, chicken huffing has seen a major decline in usage,resulting in the rise of kitten huffing again. Idol writes: It was a horrible rainy, stormy night and I heard a wheezing outside the back door. I opened the door to find the kitten, lying on its side. Right away knew he had been huffed, and those bastards had only left him with two or three of his nine lives left. What had this poor feline done to deserve his fresh kitten soul to be syphoned out for some strange, horrible trip.

- Exerpt From "Catatonic - When Kitten Huffing has Gone too far"

Favorite Activities[edit]

Some of Doctor Billy Idol's favorite activities include (but are not limited to)

  • Hunting Monsters
  • Chicken Huffing
  • Playing with cabbage patch kids
  • Squeeling in white wedding
  • Planning to assassinate Fred Phelps
  • Defending the world against Martian invasion
  • Using Jedi Mind Tricks
  • Hypnotizing young girls with his upper lip
  • Kung Fu fights!
  • BDSM
  • Shooting hippies while driving a car when not hunting monsters
  • Stuffing dirt through Duran Durans'letterbox while shouting "You guys can smoke my cock!"
  • Hunting down clowns & beheading them for his amusement.

Scientific achievements[edit]

  • 1975 - While apprenticing under Van Helsing, Idol was also earning his PhD in Theoretical Phyisics...he earned it in the one milisecond he setfoot in the valedictorian of his class.
  • 1976 - Achieved time travel, going back to 1780 in order to frame Benedict Arnold just for the hell of it.
  • 1983 - Successfuly created an intelligent and reasonable to look at Frenkenstein's Monster for the purpose of hunting other frankensteins.
  • 1989 - Experimentally verified that indeed, in the midnight hour, "She" cries "More, More, More"(It had been previously proposed that "she" "screams in silence" by the death metal-polka group Green Day)
  • 1995 - Invents the "Chicken Huffer" A device that revolutionizes animal soul accumulation
  • 2000s and beyond- Dr. Idol currently slays vampires and other demons that arise from the Hellmouth and tracking chupacabras.
  • 2010 - Battled Chuckles the Clown outside the city limits of Omaha, Nebraska & took his head, & with it, his power.

Random Facts[edit]

  • Billy Idol once beat Avril Lavigne with her own guitar. She made it easier on him by never plugging it in.
  • Cocaine is actually dead skin cells sloughed off of Billy Idol during his nightly hygiene sessions
  • Dick Cheney is the only man to ever fool Billy Idol. In the incident Billy Idol accidentally started the war on terrorism.
  • Billy Idol is faster than Chuck Norris.
  • Billy Idol is the reason Martians never invaded Earth.
  • Billy Idol prefers this article over Wikipedia's article on him because this one is more accurate.
  • Billy Idol grew up in Worthing, but he got over it.
  • Billy Idol killed the original members of Good Charlotte with a pickaxe. The studio promptly replaced them with look-alikes, who were then also promptly killed by Billy Idol. To this date the number of people who've been members of Good Charlotte ranges from 534-6,459 according to the most conservative estimates...
  • Billy Idol is the decendent of a long line of monster hunters.
  • Billy Idol is the only biggest fuck you of all time who doesn't give a flying fuck about anything.
  • Billy Idol doesn't have a clue why he dances with himself, let alone plays with himself.
  • Billy Idol once shot out his manhood with a pistol during a concert in Munich. Fans thoughts it was an act until there was blood pouring out on the stage.
  • Billy Idol doesn't know why he's Billy Idol in the first place.
  • Billy Idol wants to be known by his given name:Fuck you! Please don't ask us why! His parents were a bunch of fucking douches to begin with!
  • Billy Idol once made a pledge of alligence to his balls with a tiny little dick in front of it. Don't ask us why he did it, he just did. That little piece of shit.

There is no more information about Idol, it is assumed he procrastinated, probably while asleep.

Lawsuit From Jack Thompson[edit]

In 2005, Billy Idol received a lawsuit from Jack Thompson who said that his song "White Wedding" had rascist overtones. He then was legally required to change the title to "Ethnically Diverse Wedding".