Bird song

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A bird, singing.
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Bird song.

“I once heard a nightingale sing in Berkley Square. Terrible business”

~ Noel Coward on Bird Song

Bird song, often referred to as "nature’s music", is actually nothing more than a series of high pitched squawks made by small feathered birds.

Birdsong - a Historical Perspective[edit]

Despite its apparent popularity in much of society, birdsong is in fact not a song - or for that matter music, either. Although some people believe it to be so, birdsong is actually just a random cacophony of various sounds cobbled together with no real or redeeming meaning or thought put into it (hence the common phrase bird-brain).

Nightingales are known for their beautiful bird songs.

Birdsong, since the extinction of small feathered birds, can no longer be heard in the Modern World. As no recordings have ever been made of birdsong, scholars and biologists alike have been left to speculate as to what it might have sounded like. Some cult movements have even gone so far as to suggest that birdsong had redeeming medical values, although to date there is no evidence of this.

Modern revival[edit]

No, they didn't record this particular bird.

A group of Christan recording agents that had lost their jobs due to their lack of talent wanted a way to praise God Almighty, but were seemingly hopeless at praying. They therefore decided to record random birds singing, and use the results to glorify the creator (hey, it made sense to them!)

They traveled across Antarctica to record penguins, they travelled all the way to America to record flamingos, and they backpacked across Australia to record kookaburras. They then spent months, painstakingly assembling all these sounds into a sonic tapestry to praise the greater glory of God. Unfortunately, due to their chronic lack of rhythm, all the bird calls were played at the same time - and no-one could understand what was happening. God must not have been impressed, as they remain unemployed to this day.

Extract of Birdsong from The morning of March 21st[edit]

The following is the only known transcription of birdsong, taken from Hitlers journals of life in the Third Reich. As you can plainly see from his love of birdsong, Hitler was definitely pure evil.

  • TWEET -- SQWARK! -- TWEET TWEET -- SQWARK!
  • TWEET TWEET TWEEEEEEEEEET!!!! SQWARK!
  • TWIT - TWIT -TWIT - SQWARK - TWIT TOWOO! - SQWARK! SHUT ZER FUCK UP I VOS TRYINK TO SLEEP! BANG! SQW...

See Also[edit]