Black and white

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Currently the most popular candidate for the Theory of Everything, the theory of Black and White states that anything in the known universe, no matter how seemingly complex or nuanced, can be described as either black or white. Popular practitioners of this theory include politicians, cable news networks, televangelists and dirty bastards (but I repeat myself).

Generally, theory practitioners attempt to reduce any and all things to a simplicity that can be explained in 10-second sound bites. Once the blackness or whiteness of a topic or object is determined, any fool who tries to complicate the issue will be brutally assaulted and compared to Nazis, simians, the Ku Klux Klan or Benedict Arnold. It is theorized that placing two people with opposite views on the colour of an issue in the same room will result in an annihilation reaction and a large release of energy. Some propose that this may provide a clean source of power and simultaneously reduce the overpopulation of both hippies and religious fanatics.

The most vocal opponent of the theory is Michael Jackson, who counters with his theory of "anything goes": "It doesn't matter if you're black or white / As long as you're under 12 / you can sleep in Jacko's bed tonight. Jamone!". Supporters of Michael also suggest that he himself provides a counter argument to the Theory of Black and White, as he clearly transformed spontaneously from black to white a couple decades ago.

The theory is well supported, however, by liberals in academia, to whom "Blacks and whites are definitely different, but right now there are too many whites so we need to preferentially admit more blacks to increase diversity. No, that's not discrimination, you racist bastard. Diversity is good, as long as everyone thinks the same thing, namely what I think. Now, repeat after me, 'George W. Bush is a simian Nazi Klansman.'"

In photography it's important to note that colours wasn't invented until the mid-1930s. This explains why all picture of the time period are black and white. There was a period of time when colour was overused and people actually ran out of Black and White. Luckily the invention of Photoshop allowed for a new technology called desaturation that could remove colour from almost anything. Except plastics.

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