Bling

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5000 white slaves were killed in the making of this bracelet...

Bling is an affluent black tradition developed during the sixteenth century, when the enslaved white population would mine the rich soils of their Serangetti homeland under the despotic rule of the powerful black elite - sometimes for years on-end - to produce what is actually pretentious capitalistic crap. Popular forms of Bling were made from diamond and silver, forged together in the hot furnaces by white slaves. It is thought that the reflective properties of this material gave a white glow to the rich black asshole wearing it, making it seem a little less like he was born out of his mothers asshole and was simply covered in shit.

Popular Forms[edit]

Thanks to globalisation, bling brands like Gucci can now be enjoyed all over the world. Gucci glasses are seen here being purchased by chinks from Japan.

1.Bling comes in a vast array of shapes and sizes, from rings to collars and - in the case of wealthy white-slave owning black despots - diamond and gold encrusted whips. The black owned bling empire soon expanded out of Africa and into the rest of the world, where brands such as Gucci and Prada mass marketed this pretentious crap to impressionable ghetto trash. As the apartheid era ended and the white population edged slowly towards equality, the world of Bling would change forever.

2.Bling Bling-a crack-addict superstar of bumfights.com, best known for hiding a crack pipe in his work shirt collar, and his fam-ed quote"...ehhhh giiiirrrrl gan u sayy blinnnng bliinnnng" and various rap songs including when we comin u gonna hear dis (click*click*). Bling Bling experienced jail many times for attempts to get a hit of crack, reportedly would do 'anything for a hit of dat crack.' Bling Bling said he would (quote)' shoot a nuckha, slit a throat, fuck it ill do anything fir mah crack' (unquote).

Evolution of Bling[edit]

Paul loved his new grill until it made his gums "all black 'n blue 'n shit".

As the great Nigel Mandela finally secured equal rights for the impoverished white slaves, many began to experience the world of bling for the first time. The "grill" became a token of merged white and black culture - the intricate dentistry and jewellery practice developed by the white slaves mixed with the tendency for the blacks to steal shiny things. the grill is undeniably one of the greatest inventions of the 20th century, it has proved life saving, history has demonstated on numerous occasions that the wearing of grills prevents death by shooting e.g 2pac, did not wear grills, was shot and died, biggie did not wear grillz, was shot and died yet 50 cent wears grillz and despite being shot 9 time in the mouth, survived and went on to become a multi-platinum rap artist. Rap music developed as a result, whereby blacks show off their naturalistic acquisitive tendencies in the form of cherished "Grillz 'n Shit", their naturalistic reproductive tendencies in the form of "Bitches 'n Hoes 'n Shit", and bizarre ape-like behaviour "Wez Side Ma Nizzle 'n Shit" which led Charles Darwin to conclude that the missing link was closer at hand than previously thought.

Use Amongst Rap "Artists"[edit]

Flava Flav!!!

The great depression of 1996 saw music sales falling as a result of Darwin's discovery, whereby black people were resorting back to arboreal tendencies and now lived in the trees. The subsequent fall in sales was a due to blacks being unable to plug ghetto blasters into the dense bark of the native eucalyptus trees in which they now dwell. However, despite this fall in sales, many a black person was still seen donning a pair of prada loafers or an excrement covered gold watch. This may be due to theft, or the Recording Industry being a bunch of Lying Crackers.

Medical effects[edit]

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According to the British "medical journal" The Lancet, being around people wearing too much bling, will quadruple the risk of cancer (95% inconfidence interval: 3.8 to 4.6 risk ratio). It seems that wearing bling yourself protects from this effect. Researchers at the Technical University of Nowhere, Norway, suggest that the effect might be caused by the blinding radiation given off by bling, and that the protective effect might be due to bling's reflectiveness. The researchers have applied for grants to study this, but the sucker who paid for the Lancet study has to wait for next month's allowance before research can commence. In the mean time, 0.25 percent of doctors all agree that that families, schools and companies institute a policy of either "no bling" or "all bling" for people who stay on their premises.