Blue Man Group trying to seduce Jim Carey.
The Blue Man Group is an exclusive group of Portugese prostitutes whose primary goal is to knock up every known species of salamanders with impunity intact. So far, they have failed 57 times. Years ago, they gave up that dream and are now working with |PETA on the ultimate mission of splattering paint on *fake* fur coats.
Their Evil Plot
The plan of the Blue Men is simple:
Turn everything in the world blue.
Yes, this seems stupid, but in their culture, turning a planet blue means that they have conquered it. Why do you think Neptune is blue? No, it's not because it's a gaseous planet or whatever. That's exactly what the government wants us to think, so there isn't an outbreak of mass panic. They got Magrathea too! And, why is the sky blue? Not because of refracted sunlight. THEY did that! Their latest project is the ocean. So far, they've only been able to blueinate the Carribean.
What We Can Do
Blue Men Group the movie staring Dilary Huff
Basically, when it comes down to the big picture, we can't do shit. However, there are some things that we, as individuals, can do to slow down their progress.
- Mix some other colors or acid in blue paint.
- Kill old people. Senior citizens are actually Blue Men in disguise.
- Once per week, smears yourself ups with butter and run around the neighborhood wearing nothing but thong and a coconut bra. This will confuse any Blue Men that are watching, and make them wonder if they really want to colonize such a weird planet.
- If you are Asian, procreate with them. Your offspring will be green, and it is a known fact that Blue people are afraid of green babies. They will flee the planet.
- Pollute the skies and water, so it will wear off the color blue:
- Burn your garbage. Throw what remains in the river.
- Forget the toilet, crap in the river.
- When you're in a swimming pool, pee in the water.
- Rig oiltankers with explosions and cause a "natural disaster."
- Avoid choking them. Choking people or humanoids makes them blue, thus a blue man is at his strongest when on the floor, wheezing for precious oxygen.
The wisest thing to do however, is to consult a UFO expert or someone who has had experiences with aliens, such as Eric Cartman (Who was anally probed, twice), Dib (who's neighbor is an alien), or Homer Simpson (Who has had multiple encounters with aliens, one in fact being his boss.) Also, you could try to get in contact with crazy people like Fox Mulder, who believes that pretty much anyone at any time could be an alien. Or do the smart thing and stop the blue men yourself.
The following people/groups may be affiliated with the blue men:
|The Conclave of Doom: Fred Phelps, Ed Gein, Enron, Evil Jesus, Wikia, The United States of Arabia, Iran,
|Iraq, Uzbekistan, North Korea, Benedict XVI, Ku Klux Klan, The Loud House, Kid Cosmic
|Space Committee: Marshall Applewhite, L. Ron Hubbard, Robotic ghost pirates
|Music/Theatre Committee: Abu Hamza, Ke$ha, The Jonas Brothers, Frank Sinatra
||Politics Committee: Dick Cheney, Glenn Beck, Chairman Mao, Kim Jong-il, Osama bin Laden, Adolf Hitler, Bill O'Reilly, "Ileana" Ross Lehtinen, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Richard M. Nixon, Xi Jinping, Benjamin Franklin, David "Delinquent" Cameron, Vladimir Putin, Nigel Farage, The Casagrandes
||See also: Baby Seals, Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition