Bluejays

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“Ahhh the true name of evil does manifest itself in the evil jay that is of the blue.”

~ Katie Holmes on Bluejays

“Bluejays isss meee bessst freeinnnds whhy you soo mean to themmm Katie?”

~ Winston Churchill with several whiskey bottles in him on Bluejays

“Fuckin' Beavers.”

~ A Bluejay on beavers

Bluejays are famous for the Jay/Rabid Beaver War in which they successfully wiped out all rabid beavers (think about it—have you seen one lately?). They then decided to give up their warlike ways and become moderately peaceful birds.

The war[edit]

The Bluejays became enraged at all rabid beavers when the Beavers wiped out the trees in which the Bluejays lived, by burning them down (rabid beavers are not that smart). The Jays then retaliated by pecking all the beavers to death. This was considered the Turning Point for the Bluejays. The Jays continued their offensive by eating the beavers' dead bodies and then burning their poop. At this point it was decided that they had won. All of them took a vow of non-violence. Don't ask us why, they just did.

End of vow of nonviolence[edit]

The Bluejays decided to engage in a vow of non-violence. That lasted for about three days. And the Bluejays began planning their next great attack, on the Humans! Have you ever been sitting in the hammock or on a park bench and suddenly you are surrounded by bluejays? Well that's why. They're planning a gigantic attack. It could come today, or tomorrow, or the next day—who knows?--but all we know is that we're all gonna die. It should be noted that Bluejays have great weapons of mass destruction and were accidently mistaken for people working for Iraq when George W Bush was told all he had to say was "Oops".

Strategies for defending against Bluejays[edit]

Get the fuck down And shield your head dog!!!!!!