Bob Marley

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People never turned their back on him. They thought he had a gun! But it was just his hair. Praise Jah and pass the ammunition.

The Honourable Robert "Bob" Marley, OM (6 February 1945 – 11 May 1981), the son of Medusa, was in this world a Jamaican singer-songwriter and musician.


Bob Marley is an icon worshipped by teens and teens-at-heart around the world and characterized on tee-shirts as a colourful black man. Most adults seem to be completely immune to the sort of hero-worship Marley receives--perhaps they don't feel the need to smoke wonderful substances to make themselves look cool, Jah be praised for his creation of wonderful substances.

Bob Marley was actually once a wandering Jew in the Middle East. Afraid that this illness would cause dissent in the world and a backlash towards them, the Middle Easterners tried to hide this fact by characterizing Marley as a non-Jewish black guy who sang loudly into microphones. They completely succeeded, and patted themselves on the back for a job well done. They left the matter alone for several years until, completely unbeknownst to them, "Bob Marley" was printed onto several hundred thousand tee-shirts, lunchboxes, and acid papers and distributed around the world. The tee-shirts (and maybe the acid papers) caused countless teenage victims to fall under the spell of Bob Marley, and to swoon from wonderful substances, Jah be praised for his creation of wonderful substances.

So, since the tee-shirts and the legend already existed, people encouraged Bob Marley to become a singer. He did, as a lark. The world was not disturbed, and Jah enjoyed seeing His creations use creativity and thoughtfulness for once in their lives. Jah patted himself on the back - praise be the arm that pats Jah on the back - for a job well done, and laid back in his La-Z-Boy as his Goddess wife rubbed his feet and fed him peeled grapes.

Musical Career[edit]

Bob Marley doing what he's good at, Jah betcha.

Oh, did they swoon. And climb the trees of Jamaica just to watch Bob Marley walk down the street (and to lean out over a branch to catch a contact high). In the evening Bob Marley would gather some wailers around him and they'd sing and play and smoke, and then they'd do the things humans do when they sing, play, and smoke for hours at a time. Which is to love. And Marley sent out his love-vibes in every song and every wail coming from his part of the Island nation. He did this over and over and over again. And when he got done with that, he did it again, just because he could. Praise Jah for persistence.

When Bob Marley met someone[edit]

There was this one time that Bob Marley just stood up in the middle of a television interview in Kingston, walked all the way to the airport, and caught a plane to France. He didn't know why. The people who saw him do this didn't know why. And most of all, Susan Saint James, the old television actress, didn't know why when Bob Marley came up to her on a street in Paris, kissed her on the lips, and then took the next flight back to Jamaica. He did things like that - praise Jah for an unexpected kiss on the streets of Paris.


To this day no one knows the actual reason for Bob Marley's demise - praise Jah for his wisdom to remove Marley from the earth that day. Some say he got a marijuana leaf stuck up his nose, after which he ceased to live and breathe. Others just assumed he suffocated inside one of his tee-shirts. During the autopsy, doctors were amazed to find out that Bob actually had cancer in every part of his body except the mouth, lungs and penis (not even cancer would dare go to something that dangerous). Marley was buried with his guitar, a cannabis bud (there were originally many more cannabis buds in his coffin, but the wake dragged on, and you know), his dog, dog food, and a grain of sand to symbolize Jah.


For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Bob Marley.

Bob Marley is dead. Jah be praised for his sickle. Since his death his body has been returned to his spiritual homeland (Zion) by fellow aliens, where, in compliance with his last will and testament, his remains were placed in the bowl of a huge bong and smoked by a group of both disillusioned and illusioned Rastafari. He also has many children - Jah be praised for his spermcount - as it seems that over half the children in Jamica were fathered by Bob Marley. The other half were fathered by his half-brother, Bo Mar.

See also[edit]

"Seein' ya aroun' now, Jah"