|trailer trash by the generous folks over at the Liberal Party of Australia, and therefore an ideal voting constituency for Tony Abbott. As a result, this article may be taxed through the nose.|
Bogan (pronounced BOE-gn) is the predominant ethnic group in the nations of Australia and West Auckland and Upper Hutt, New Zealand. It also describes anyone, who drives an old Commodore, Cortina, or Daddo 180-B, lives in a government housing estate, and likes to harass other citizens with colourful language and/or by decorating their front garden with miscellaneous motor vehicle components. Equivalent terms are:
- Bevan or Bevin in Queensland
- Hutt Slut in Upper Hutt
- Ocker in most states of Australia is a suitable substitute when referring to the Australian stereotype Bogan
- Chigger in Hobart, referring to Chigwell, "Ogan" referring to how Bogans say "Bogan", "Mitnis" referring to most Smithton people who say each vowel the same way and leave out starting and ending letters e.g. "Smithton" becomes "Mitni" (also see Tasmania)
- Crogan in Melbourne, referring to Bogan females with some form of STD
- Booner in Canberra
- Westie in Sydney and Waitakere (Auckland), New Zealand, referring to Western Suburbs
- Boy-racers in the rest of New Zealand
- Ray as in mum's boyfriend.
Bogan characteristics are transmitted via a bacterium, caused by the Gram-negative bacterium Boganisia acdc/utess. It is known to live under the caps of cheap Australian beers like Victoria Bitter, Emu Export, XXXX and Swan Draught. The disease is also transmitted by incestuous Ford and Holden utes.
Symptoms include; rugby league becoming a big part of your life, smoking tobacco, illiteracy, ignorance, public urination, the aspiration to become a "one punch" murderer and a general hatred of refugees and gays. Despite the similarity in symptoms boganisia should not be confused with another common virus; Christianity.
There is no cure for boganisia acdc/utess and individuals who are infected should be immediately sterilized and more appropriately put down to protect those around them. If they already have children they should also be exterminated and their remains sealed in a nuclear fall out shelter. If this doesn't happen, they may be likely to vote for Winston Peters (if New Zealanders) or Tony Abbott (if Australians).
The Australian Football Bogans
The most recognized Bogans in Australia are those who go over the limits in supporting the national sport of Australia, Australian Rules Football. In the 2003 'Bogahontus' survey (where 5,147,024 Australians participated) it was proven that Sydney was the most Bogan' city in Australia, largely thanks to its Car Racing fanatics and Rugby league culture . Melbourne ranked second, Due to having the most bogan organisation on earth (The Collingwood Football Team). However, this is disputed by anyone in Australasia who has watched rugby league players off the field and enmeshed in either adultery, drugs, drunk driving or any other scandal imaginable.
In the very same survey, it was discovered that you cannot attend an AFL (Australian Football League) game or NRL (National Rugby League), without being within the vicinity of several thousand Bogans. Calculations show that there are approximately four Bogans in every square metre at an AFL or NRL game(noting that this does not refre to four individual people who are boagans but a rating of boganity). Bogans attempt to disguise their true nature at AFL or NRL games by dressing normally and drinking soft drink instead of beer; however their true identity if revealed as soon as the Bogan in question starts yelling and swearing abuse towards the pitch once the game starts. Non-Bogans who realise who they are in the company of either enter one of the corporate boxes, or Try to make sure that the bogans don't fight them.
CCTV footage uncovered Bogans stepping out of their pimped up cars and stashing beer cans into bushes, before 'ambling' towards the football grounds.
The highest congregation of bogans at AFL matches can be found when any team plays Collingwood. However, NRL infestation is nearly total, on either side of the Tasman.
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Bogans Have Extremely Seedy Mullets
Bogans are stereotypically considered to be old children (from approximately 15 to 30 years of age) from New South Wales and other rural Australian areas. Bogans "mature" to become Yobbos. Low to midrange literacy and intelligence, (-500-10 IQ) and way below average physical strength Michelle Anderson are also prominent elements. The Bogan accent is highly distinguishable, being a high-pitched variant of 'Stralian - similar to "ocker" - and the vernacular relies heavily upon truncated words and profanity. Bogans will typically use the phrase "yous" to refer to two or more people, and will modify people's names by adding "-zza" (ie Barry = Bazza, Sharon = Shazza). These changes of name are dominated by the same vowel sound on either side of a consonant sound, names such as "Robert" will become "Robbo" and "William" would be pronounced "Willy".
Even more disturbingly, New Zealand bogans actually admire these attributes in Australians and want to emigrate over there. Many normal New Zealanders abhor boganism and do everything possible to encourage this.
Bogans have a habit of swapping vowels around in some words to create their own pidgin language. "Cunt" will become "Cant" and "You" may become "Ya". An example of this pidgin language can be seen in the sentence, "Punish me caaant", which is sometimes heard during intercourse with a female bogan. It translates to, "Punish my cunt". Bogans are typically very fond of saying 'Fakkin oath cant' and 'Fack ap cant'.
Bogans often choose names for their offspring that they see as 'cool' and 'trendy' like 'Montana', 'Sienna', 'Khe Sanh', 'Jules' and 'Dakota', or by taking normal names like 'Belinda' and substituting new lettering, eg 'Bilynda,' or even worse, a re-spelt Bogan name such as 'Dhakota' or "Feeeeeniks". Names like Chardonnay, Mercedes, Jade or Mercedes-Taylor, or any name ending in -den (like Jayden, Hayden etc.) are also fairly common. 90% of popular bogan names are used by the automobile industry in another capacity.
The Bogan family characteristics run throughout the entire family, from grandparents to great-great-grandchildren. These traits include, but are not limited to: Rat's tail/Mohawk haircuts, obesity, obviously dyed hair cut so badly it looks like they hung around the Botany Bay Council Tip and let the rats chew it off, tattoos and smoking (Regular or Pot, Vive le differance!).
Also, there have been cases reported of newborns emerging with rat's tails and mullets fully formed. These attributes mimic the identity of their mother or father. Bogans can easily identify infidelity at birth if the mother has been successful in attracting a non-Bogan or a Bogan in the Middle Income Bracket by the hair style the baby is born with. Examples of this are the "Frullet" or The Karmichael Hunt "Mowhawk".
Many Bogans travelling overseas take offence when encountering the fact that hardly anyone knows who the Grand High Poobah of Australia is, which is ironic, given that the Bogans themselves often have no idea who the Head of State is in a given country to which they've travelled, usually due to ludicrous amounts of alcohol and drug consumption.
One of the all-time favourite Bogan pastimes is driving around in their cars 'cruising for Sheilas'. Bogans also worship footy of any code (typically Rugby League or Australian Rules Football), and reality television as a de facto substitute when neither of the former are available. In addition to driving, Bogans also tend to be obsessed with vehicle modification. Much the same as "Ricers" (The drivers of stock econoboxes (e.g. A Honda Civic), which may sport unusually large wings, Neons and big chrome rims, when the rest of the car, including the engine, is stock), many Bogans cars sport unnecessary add-on spoilers, cosmetic hood scopps, and other such (non-functional) modifications. Bogans generally tend to suffer from the delusion that the louder a car is, the more successful they will be in attracting members of the opposite sex (although this does work if the driver is a female bogan!). This effect can be achieved by modifying the exhaust of a given vehicle (or removing it altogether) or alternatively installing large amounts of speakers. Whilst it's true that not all Bogans are violent, mindless, drugged-up alcoholics with a penchant for flannel shirts, you'd be hard-pressed to find a non-Bogan who wouldn't erase them all from existence if given the chance. Watching underbelly and McLeod's Daughters are must watch shows to be a bogan and it is a must to talk at the top of your voice about the show on public transport about the episode. They love to get free upgrades to gold class movie tickets from ice cream wrappers which can be found in Penrith City Council public bins.
In addition to the above, many Bogans are also connoisseurs of fine literature, as embodied by the likes of FHM, Ralph and Zoo magazine. These preferred publications explore a number of important and progressive topics, such as whether fake breasts are better than real breasts, whether women should 'sunbake' topless, how many beers you can drink in one go to 'sneak' them past stadium security at the SCG, and so forth.Bogan women talk to people they barely know in a very familiar way and discuss personal details about their love life very openly. They pretend not to know about other cultures especially the food but secretly buy kebebs etc when they believe they are not being watched. They think it is unpatriotic to show they enjoy or know about such things.
Bogans are also huge fans of dirt bikes (see: Clipsal 500) / dirt biking, and they will often boast of how badly injured they have been when they fell off or 'stacked it' during some particularly 'skilful' riding. Another favourite pastime for Bogans is yelling at people from their utes, with such terms as "oi fack'n poofta" or "ya mum's ya dad" – the latter being particularly ironic, given the often tangled web of their own provenance. They also must love watching Sex & the City or Big Brother and talk with American accents until they realize that they are living in Australia. Much the same applies to New Zealand bogans and Australian accents.
You're a bogan bogan
Although Bogans are inherently ugly in appearance, some wealthier Bogans are actually obsessively vain. Celebrity Bogan men will often appear in hair loss commercials. Some Bogan men wear beanies or caps to hide their receding hairlines, or simply shave their heads and tattoo them. Those with a full head of hair will often sport a mullet hairstyle, or use highlights, often nasally ingested. Many Bogans also use fake tan products, visit solariums, or sunbake for extended periods, forgetting they are wearing a tacky one piece and ending up with a giant, sunburnt hole on their backs. It is not uncommon for a Bogan to spend hours at the gym building up their biceps, whilst continuing to be proud of their beer belly, and rarely practising sit-ups or ab-crunches. Some Bogans will even try to expose themselves publicly to stroke their egos. Bogan men are also obsessive womanisers, and will often two-time or even flirt openly with other women in front of their girlfriends without any sense of guilt. This is partly because of them not understanding it's wrong (due to low IQ) but also because they plainly don't give a fuck.
Stereotypical clothing includes Moccasin-style slippers, ugg boots (especially outdoors), tight black jeans, singlets – with or without bourbon brand logo motifs (usually Jim Beam or "Jack lives Here"), t-shirts with the aforementioned alcohol branding, AC/DC shirts, flannelette shirts (or black jerseys and jeans in Waitakere) and prominent tattoos, all always teamed with the obligatory can of UDL firmly attached to the Bogan's hand. Bogans also have bulbous red noses.
Summer attire typically features short, tight 'footy shorts', blue singlets (also known as 'wife beaters') and thongs (not to be mistaken as a g-string; they do have minimal self-respect in public)and sunnies. Tracksuits (somewhat anachronistic in the early 21st century) are also occasionally worn by younger Bogans, generally due to their low cost. Female Bogans in favour tight skinny-fit jeans, tie-dyed Jim Beam t-shirts and bleached blonde hair. Loud and sometimes fluorescent colours in clothing are often worn by Bogans and it is not uncommon to find Bogan men wearing normally taboo colours like pink. Bogans often get heavily into recently outdated fashions, i.e. eyebrow piercing, Von Dutch label and Wu-tang clothing.
To find some good examples of a Bogan just visit Mount Druitt near Penrith or similar places include: Wyong, Seven Hills(a suburb of Sydney) and Newcastle. In recent years there have been many additions such as the 'Upper Class Bogans' who are usually situated at the end of a beach (Bondi, Coogee, etc) with big sunnies and a convertable car with crappy rap music that that guy in Scary movie 3 would think is shitty. This is funded from their sugar daddy.
Bogans are often stereotyped as driving loud, obnoxious cars of 20th century manufacture(anything above 2-3 grand (if that) is extravagant, the might have to cut back the bad habits to afford something more), along with the previously mentioned motorised water closets. The VK–VS Holden Commodore is one particularly popular variant of the latter. Australians who are associated with bad or fast driving can be labelled as a "Hoon", a variation of the Bogan. In fact, the term is so widespread that the Western Australian, South Australian, Victorian and Tasmanian state governments have brought in what are known as 'Anti-Hoon' laws to cut down on young males causing car accidents by excessive speed and street racing. New Zealand enacted similar laws in 2003 better known as the "Boy Racer Act". It is commonly believed that the reason for such behaviour is an attempt to reassure themselves of their masculinity. In fact, the Australian government has gone so far as to introduce an ad campaign implying that hoons drive like idiots to compensate for their small penis size, in an effort to cut down on 'hoon' behaviour.
Bogans "bo-gan" commonly known as Yobbos (in America: See rednecks.). Bogans are known to be hoons on the road and drive around in their crappy beat up commodore utes. Bogans communicate with each other over UHF frequency radios. The standard bogan car will have 2-4 random aerials coming out of their car/ute. Money wise they steal and live off the dole(Money given to them by the government they "hate").
A Bogan's dwelling will typically contain a large number of cars in various state of (dis)repair, invariably due to a lack of money. When overfull, the contents of a Bogan's yard often spill out into long-term storage facilities such as Plains and the industrial districts of Rokeby, Bega and Brighton. These areas often contain enough car parts and/or cars to run quite a profitable business, which is often capitalised upon by local merchants, opening used-car dealerships and helping the community by returning cars into circulation. It is not uncommon to find a car in Tasmania that has been 'recycled' up to ten times. When confined to the yard, however, the phenomenon is described in a scene taken from the hit Australian movie The Castle.
Dad: Oi Stevo, could you move your farkin piece-of-shit Daewoo, I need to get the old rusty Torana out so I can get to the Jeep.
Steve: I'll have to get the keys to the Corolla if I'm gonna move that Daewoo.
Dad: Yeah, watch the boat mate.
Dad: Oh...by the way, whose bloody Monaro is out the front
Steve: Shhh...I stole it from Highpoint.
Dad: Take it back, don't be seen with that friggen piece of crap.
Steve: OK, Dad.
Dave: Shazza have you seen the ute
Sharron: It's in the driveway behind the barina.
The consumption of potent forms of alcohol features prominently in the Bogan lifestyle. Among those from Melbourne, Victoria Bitter beer ("VB" otherwise known as "Vaginal Backwash") would undoubtedly be the most sought-after type, due to a combination of both price and nationalistic associations. In New Zealand, $1 beers like Lion Red or Waikato Draught (puddlewater and urine) would be chosen for the same reasons. However, several spirits including rum (especially Bundy), bourbon, or Scotch whisky are also favoured, the primary consideration being an acceptable expense-vs-potency ratio. .Although cheap varieties of vodka also exist, it is seen as a female's drink and is therefore usually avoided by males. Cask wine, or goon as it is more commonly known, is also favoured amongst the Bogan population for its low cost and large quantity. Other forms of cheap wine such as 'Passion Pop' (commonly known as "Four buck Fuck") are a popular beverage for the younger Bogan (8–14 years of age) and is traditionally the very first drink they get inebriated from.
Bogans are also known for eating large quantities of cheap takeaway foods such as Hungry Jack's, KFC, Pizza Hut, McDonald's and Domino's. However, the chief meal of a Bogan during their holy season of AFL, is the meat pie. The filling of the meat pie consists largely of rat's intestines, string, and low grade uranium. The resulting substance is mixed with a liquid known as "gravy", although the real constituents of this is unknown. After that, the resulting mixture is wrapped in a greasy, low quality pastry. This is often covered in a primitive tomato concentrate known as 'tomato sauce' or more commonly referred to by Bogans as "Ded 'orse". Bogans also must love chips and dips based on cream cheese & cream and home brand soups.
In what could be an attempt to disguise their beer-gut from their staple diet of fast-food, Bogans will often create their own dishes borrowed from various cultural disciplines. Udon noodle variants and home-made pizza (usually with a pre-purchased pizza base) are typical examples. Being able to proudly proclaim their ability to cook asian or italian food hints at a deeper desire for inner growth - a contradiction that is still largely misunderstood. Bogans have their limits - they will never be found cooking African or Middle Eastern dishes possibly due to a patriotic allegiance stemming from their strong belief in the mass-media. N.B. Kebabs are an exception here.
Bogans are commonly found hanging out in bars or any other place where alcohol is served, and after a few beers have been drunk, a Bogan fight is imminent. This is somewhat akin to a 'chick fight' (or a 'bum fight'), but without the titillation (or Internet resale value) of either of the former. At the beginning of a Bogan fight, the traditional Bogan Battle cry, "Fack yas all!" can be heard. It is very uncommon for Bogan fights to be broken up by wives; they try to continue the fight because they think their husbands are better than Muhammad Ali.
The ecological attributes of bogans most readily conform to that of r-selected species in that they exhibit high levels of fecundity, short generation spans, early maturity onset and the ability to disperse offspring widely and at a young age (ages 9+)
Despite their often parasitic behavior in relation to the society in general, bogans also play an important role in nutrient recycling in most suburban ecosystems and can ultimately be classed as detritivores. An average population of bogans will consume over 50,000 tonnes of Ralph and Zoo Weekly magazines per hectare per year. Experimental studies have shown that when bogans are removed from an area for any extended period of time, local news agencies quickly become flooded with the aforementioned magazines and other publications that constitute the rotting debris of the literature world.
In Australia, bogan like to listen to shit bands like AC/DC. It is generally accepted that the Bogan national anthem is the 1970s Jimmy Barnes/Cold Chisel classic "Khe Sanh," however, due to the immense influence that Australian Rules Football has on Bogan culture, the song "Holy Grail" by Hunters and Collectors is considered a de facto second anthem. In New Zealand, "Bliss" (a.k.a. "Drink Yourself Wobbly") by Th' Dudes or most songs by The Exponents hold comparable official status among the local Bogan population.
Bogans in the 21st century have demonstrated a capacity to embrace music genres beyond their traditional pub rock heritage, some forming into the now common "Wigger" or Gogan (similar in some ways to the British Chav phenomenon) – a cultural mess of rap, metal and sometimes some goth elements (more popular with the females). Recent Bogan anthems are dance tracks ("Addicted to Bass" by Josh Abrahams, "Voodoo Child" by Rogue Traders, remixed versions of pub rock classics) and releases by talentless Australian Idol dropouts such as Shannon Noll. Bogans are also believed to be the driving force behind the 2005 popularity of the Crazy Frog music releases.
Prominent Australasian Examples
- The Australian singer Jimmy Barnes could almost certainly be considered the prototypical Bogan. His music is particularly prized among Bogans, as his lyrics tend to encapsulate the Bogan perspective. He also comes from Elizabeth, South Australia (see above).
- The television series Kath & Kim is an affectionate look at Bogans. The two and their spouses live in Fountain Lakes – the name taken from suburban Melbourne's Fountain Gate where many Melbournian Bogans reside. The name was changed probably to avoid lawsuit and uproar from the suburb's inhabitants. Kim should not be confused with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, despite the obvious physiological resemblances.
- The cult television lifestyle series Blokesworld is an accurate study and portrayal of "Boganism" (or "blokedom", as the show refers to it – similar to the "New Ladism" of the Oasis and Chav explosion in Britain). Bogan culture has also been a common subject in Australian stand-up and sketch comedy, with comedian Chris Franklin releasing a #1 single, "Bloke", a Bogan's response to "Bitch" by American musician Meredith Brooks, and sung to the same tune.
- New Zealand comedy characters "Lynn of Tawa", created by Ginette McDonald, and "Neville Purvis", created by Arthur Baysting are popular Bogans while Ewen Gilmour's popularity as a stand-up comedian from West Auckland is known as Ewen "Westie" Gilmour.
- Chopper Read, a criminal famous for his executions of prominent Australian underworld figures, also typifies the Bogan culture, though is an extreme example, as his murderous activities would suggest. However he does demonstrate that bogans could rule the world, were it not for limitations of intellect and ambition.
- Shane Warne, Australian cricket player, famous for SMS flirtations and womanising that caused the breakup of his marriage. Public drinking, loutish behaviour and obscene gestures are commonplace for this man. Despite constant problems with weight, Warne displays the typical Bogan behaviour of obsessive vanity and appearing on hair loss advertisements.
- Russell Crowe, actor and member of the band 30 Odd Foot of Grunts is also very much the epitome of an Aussie Bogan. Demanding VB stubbies after the Oscars, passion for bar brawls, love of Rugby League, flannelette shirts, telephone assault and womanising are all telltale signs.
In Canada, the term "Bogan" is widely used as a racial slur against Natives, who are true to the Australian origins of the word and are usually lower-class.
- THINGS BOGANS LIKE
- Save the Bogan
- A discussion of Bogan Culture
- Triple J film reviews: Mallboy
- Bogans: The Movie
|This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia.|