Bohemian Elephants

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“What are these goddamned animals!”

~ Raoul Duke on Bohemian Elephants

Bohemian elephants, formally from Bohemia, are nearly extinct. The reasons are many, but the main reasons are listed here.

Reasons for Extinction[edit]


The hunting aspect of the elephants is mainly for reasons of experimentation and exploration. The reason experimentation is causing deaths is because a tribe of Bohemia, known only as The Bohemian Peoples front, (not to be confused with the Peoples Front of Bohemia or the Peoples Bohemian Front) likes, for some reason or another, to test cheese on these animals. As most of the cheese the BPF makes is deadly, it causes many elephant deaths. As for the exploration, the Peoples Front of Bohemia likes to send these elephants into orbit.


Parasites are rampant throughout the elephant community (not to mention the closely related and aptly named “Sugar-snout Beaver” which is known for its sweet tasting snout). These parasites only affect the Bohemian Elephants and therefore aren’t considered important enough to find a cause or cure for. The current parasite population per elephant is about 121. The elephants however, only reproduce once a year and take more than 10 years to reach maturity. This is amplified by the fact that the elephants only live 12 years and eat their own dead, which is ground up and re-fed back to them, causing mad Bohemian Elephant Disease.

Severe Gastric Disturbances[edit]

The next biggest problem with these elephants is flatulence. These elephants don’t fart for the first 5 years of their lives so after those five years they are just a ticking time bomb. While the cause is unknown, the effect is exploding elephants. The Peoples Bohemian Front once used these elephants in a war against Bohemian Peoples front, which they sadly lost. The elephants can also be used to kill a Grue.

Killing a Grue[edit]

To kill a grue with an elephant, simply feed the grue an elephant. The pressure built up from years of not releasing the gastric pressure will result in a mild explosion, killing the grue. Also, the the elefants can't jump, a major disadvantage.

See also[edit]