Bongo City

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Bongo City XXX Football Club and Revue
Founded: 1875
Ground: St. Ron Jeremy's Stadium, Birmingham
Manager: Bernard Cribbins
Chairman: David Slug
League: FA Premiership

Bongo City Football Club was, uniquely, founded in 1875 by the amalgamation of two popular clubs.


Early Years[edit]

Most other football teams were formed to give a cricket team something to do in the winter, but Bongo City combined with The Electric PussyCat All Naked Theology Club and Legitimate Massage Parlour, to give the footballers something to do with their hands. Initially the merger wasn't a success, with a former pr0n star running the club, and popular transexual showgirl Lilly Savage as the midfield powerhouse, large crowds were drawn, although no-one admitted to being there. Tactics were kept simple, keeping it tight in the box, with a lovely pair up front. Unfortunately on the pitch, the team wasn't successful, and kept going down.

Modern Era[edit]

After successive relegations the long-serving manager and former jizzmopper Trevor "Legs" Francis was sacked, and replaced by the popular vagrant Geordie, Bernard Cribbins. Once he was nailed in place (having walked out on 207 clubs in the previous season alone), Cribbins immediately began making changes. First, he decided that a midfield composed of naked dancers was too flimsy and so replaced them with professional footballers, or the nearest available equivalent. Next, he decided that a defence composed of naked dancers was too flimsy, and so on and so forth. With the unbeatable combination of a thick set Geordie manager, a porn barons millions and some proper footballers (and Emile Heskey), Bongo City were beaten fewer times than usual, reaching the FA Premiership in only 37 years.


FA Cup

League Cup

Bongo City Cup

The FA Premier League
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Glory Hunters
Chel$ki Abramograd F.C. | Manchester Red Sox Ltd.

Slightly shittier teams that finish 3rd and 4th
Mickey Mousers Soccer Franchise Ltd. | Arse-anal

The Rest
Aston Villa | Tottenham Jooscum F.C. | Madchester Oasis F.C. |
Wet Spam G.S.E. | Harrods Cottagers F.C. | Greys Athletic | Long Ball-ton Wanderers | Neverton | Sunderland AFC | Pompeii

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