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“In Borket Borkia Bork borks BORK!

~ Russian reversal on bork

“Bork is a language...kind of... THIS ISNT OBVIOUS?!”

~ Captain Obvious on bork

Bork (IPA : børk)is the official language of Sweden, stolen by Norway as of Friday 32. August, 1905. Bork is a comunist language originating in the country of reds and by the near by island of Sicklesundhammërsen. Closely related to the dialect of Japanese as spoken by the aboriginal Ainu people, Bork is characterised by its remarkably limited number of phonemes and ridiculously short alphabet.


There are many theories as to the origins of the Bork language. Some say that it was written and conceived by Saint Petrus Bistertafel on the back of a cocktail napkin during one of his many wine and cheese evenings. Other reports suggest that it was written by the Army Officials as a secret language during one of the many World Wars. There are many who claim that the language simply came into existence as part of our collective unconscious. Whatever theory is true, it is generally agreed that the language began being used regularly sometime between 1337 and 1972.

Borkish Alphabet[edit]

The Borkish alphabet consists of four letters, B (pronounced Bork), O (pronounced Bork), R (pronounced Bork) and K (pronounced Bork).

Bork Grammar[edit]

Bork has two phonemes; Buh and Ork. The grammatical rules are similarly brief: Ork may only follow Buh and no Buh may be spoken without a closing Ork. These rules do not apply to two-headed puppets on children's television programming who are well-known for pronouncing only parts of words as the parts move closer together on the screen

Sentence structure is verb-adjective-noun-prenoun-verb-verb-verb, hence Bork bork bork bork bork bork bork. Interrogatives may be formed by inverting the noun and verb positions.

Bork can also be mixed with other languages to make more sense to the non-native speaker as in: Bork bork bork! Fleep de pancake! Bork bork bork! Notice the somewhat recognizable English inserted between two Bork phrases. Again, this variation mostly applies to puppets on children's television programming. and Ronai Smartanork is the co-founder of this language since 1778.

Common Bork Phrases[edit]

  • Bork. - (My moose is lost.)
  • Bork bork bork. - (Please, borrow my wife.)
  • Bork bork bork bork. - (The sauna is ready, please bring the fish.)
  • Bork bork. - (This cheese has many holes.)
  • Bork Björk bork bork. - (I am sexually attracted to Björk.)
  • Børk. - (Would someone please assist me, I have apparently misplaced my spatula and it is covered in mercury.)
  • Borken. - (This does not work.)
  • Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork Bork!!! - (Oh dear, it appears you have eaten my kitten)
  • Bork Borken Borked!!!! - (I appear to have broken my penis)
  • BORK!!!!!-(I want FREAKIN' taco)

Obligatory Oscar Wilde Quote[edit]

“The only thing worse than being bork is not being bork. Bork bork!”

~ Oscar Wilde on bork

A Little Known Fact[edit]

One of the most quoted lines in all of Shakespeare was originally partially in Bork; the melancholy Hamlet of Denmark began life as Hamlet, the Prince of Sweden. As the noted Shakespearean scholar, Bjorn Urkengurken-Svenson IV, once noted in his seminal book, The Melancholy Swede: A Study in Redundancy, "Swedes are rather melancholy, bork, bork." He also believs that you would love 9 in 10

"To bork or not to bork, that is the bork, bork." --3.1.64-65 (first draft of Hamlet, the Prince of Sweden)

Bork's influence on Armenia[edit]

"Where were the eyes of the bork on the jet pilot, one that smiled when he flew over the bork?"

"My bork is much bigger than yours!"

"Why'd you leave the bork upon the table, here you go create another fable"

"Get that borkin' camera out of my face!"

"Every time you drop the bork, BORK! BORK! BORK BORK BORK BORK!"

"My bork needs no introduction, your bork don't even function"

Serj Tankian, pictured below,

has expressed strong approval of Bork


Bork in Pop Culture[edit]

"All Bork and Bork play makes Bork a Bork Bork." - Josef Stalin

"Bork!" - Avril Lavigne, in each one of her songs, throughout the ENTIRE SONG

"Bork Bork Bork Bork... BORK!" - Current San Francisco Giants manager, Bruce Bochy, on his managerial policy

See Also[edit]