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Bourneville:Notice the up to date telephone boxes.

Bournville is an area in the Midlands of England, near Birmingham known for being the headquarters of Cadbury's Chocolate, one of the largest producers of chocolate on Earth. (With minor exports to Alpha Centori) Bournville is also the name of a form of dark Chocolate, which is known for its uses as road paving in at least three countries. It was customary in India to pave highways with Bournville Chocolate until the early 1970s when it was deemed the cost of replacing eaten roads too high. Erwin Rommel turned half the roads into engine coolant in the 80s.

Bournville in the 1890s[edit]

Some Upper class people in the 1890s, also known as lunatics, considered Bournville chocolate a sweet dish and served it to their guests after a meal along with a small peppermint. It became the fashion to place the peppermint between the two small pieces of Bournville and eat them together. This later led to the production of After Eights a dark chocolate snack that consists of peppermint-flavoured goo inside a coating of chocolate.

Bournville in the 1920s[edit]

Prior to the 1929 Wall Street Crash, Bournville was the choice chocolate of everyone, from babies, who used to gum it until it melted,

One packet of Bournville chocolate.

to clerks, who ate it between 11:00 and 11:05 (see Elevenses), to old toothless women who ate it in the same way as babies.

However, the only reason anyone ate Bournville chocolate was because the price of Cadbury's Milk Chocolate was far too high. However, during the Wall Street Crash, an experiment in cost-cutting by the good people working at the Bournville factory discovered a way to produce Cadbury's Milk Chocolate without crushed Emeralds, thus reducing the cost by 300%. After this Bournville quickly fell out of fashion.

Bournville in World War 2[edit]

During World War 2 Bournville was used as psychological warfare against the Germans. They were so scared of the substance that Hitler surrendered at the battle of El Alamein after he was threatened with a Bournville bombardment. During practice runs the wartime catchphrase "chocs away!" was coined.

Bournville Today[edit]

Today Bournville is rarely bought by anyone except old people who remember days pre 1929. They then foist it upon their grandchildren who have to later wash their mouths out with syrup to remove the horrible taste.

Recent studies show that if Bournville is melted down to a certain degree, it can produce a Hallucinogenic.Jimi Hendrix was known to melt bars down and crumble it into a Rizla and smoke it with friends including Lord William Harrington. The band Steppenwolf celebrated the power of the drug through their hit single "Bournville to be Wild".