Box Hill

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Box Hill is a suburb located a short 20-30 minutes by car from the wonderful city of Melbourne, or several days by train Metro . Either method of travel is not recommended due to the likelihood of being stabbed.

Box Hill train station. The gateway to Box Hill.

In Box Hill there are a huge range of activities. Often called the black market sales, the computer swap meet is a good opportunity to pick up something cheap that still works. (but don't let the police search your bag.) There are also many weddings you can gate crash that are held often in Box Hill's many churches and parks. If weddings aren't your scene, be sure to have a go at the train surfing. Beginning sporadically due to the nature of the trains, you start off the station street bridge and go to Laburnum.

If you want a little more meaningful activity, try a walk in the Box Hill cemetery. The largest collection of bodies in Box hill it is the only official cemetery and the only place you will large amounts of people not willing to stab you.[citation needed]

One of the more social past-times of the Box Hill locals, and those who have come on train or bus, is sitting at one of several inner-Box Hill cafes, to do not much at all. There are two of them; Cafe Feducci, and another closer to 7/11 and the tram stop, known affectionately by the locals as "the other one". At either of these meeting places you can purchase any number of varieties of drink that are prepared by running water that is far over boiling point through a cereal sludge that is referred to as "coffee" as an honorary nod to the popular caffeinated beverage served in many other parts of the greater city of Melbourne.

Another favourite pass time of the locals is getting high. To do this begin your walk at the Box Hill hospital and head east through the park until the video shop. By walking in an non-threatening manner with your palms facing forward you will make it clear you have no knife. This will ensure that you are be served with your favourite substance. Box Hill is renowned for the multiple drug dealers, all before your very eyes, but working secretly in almost completely organized silence.

Another social hotspot is a place known as "the safeway ramp", where many people come and go, smoking their lives away, watching the world function. This is near Cafe Feducci, and outside of EB Games. This location, however, is often overrun by teenagers, who have little aspirations in life. Either that, or feral ice addicts, also with little aspirations in life. Go here if you're looking for a cigarette, or a fist fight, and you will surely find someone with one of these readily at hand, or equally searching as you are. Either way, a nice little social hotspot, if you're from those certain walks of life.

Drinking alcohol is not allowed in Box Hill and you will be shot for it.

There are a couple of educational institutions in Box Hill. All of which are called Box Hill, and are in constant competition with each other, which at times escalates into violence. Given numerous uniform changes and the lack of ability to distinguish between the schools this will cause random violence to explode at any given time for what appears to be from the perspective of the casual outsider as no reason at all. Fortunately this also causes a significant amount of self-hatred amongst the local student population. This in turn leads to a significant amount of drug use and as a result students often are unable to leave their house, which also leads to a minimisation of student violence on the street.