It is said that some have dared enter Hades and still manage to return alive and relatively unscathed. This can never be said about a visitation to the boy's bedroom. Once ventured into, either the brave soul never returns or returns altered, never able to view life in the same positive, upbeat and open-minded manner ever again.
Defining the Boy's Bedroom
It is a lair, realm, cage and torture chamber all rolled into one, creating an easy one-stop-shop for participants willing to have their eyes affronted by craven imagery and strewn tracts of unidentified piles, their feet cruelly pricked by unknown weaponry, their nose viciously attacked by stinking rot and their ears bombarded with slaying sounds of what the dark-prince-in-residence claims to be music.
Entering the Boy's Bedroom
The simple answer to this dilemma is "don't".
If there is some dire, urgent, pressing, inexcusable need to enter the boy's bedroom, take the following precautions:
- Contact the fire department and ask for egress support via the window if required
- Contact the police department and request cover
- Purchase a used suit from NASA; the type that prevents burning upon entry and which prevents the wearer from being dazzled by objects being viewed
- Obtain ostrich leather boots. Renowned for being the toughest leather on Earth, it might be possible that you will retain the soles when you exit
- Oxygen mask, diving tanks and the essence of sweet Swedish meadows #9
Once Inside the Boy's Bedroom
There is little that can be said here for each experience is visceral, personal and revolting. It is up to you whether you engage in speech with the dark-prince-in-residence lording it over this minute piece of surreal estate but experience suggests that this is likely to be a dangerous waste of your precious energy resources and it is best to simply communicate via wide eye movements and vague, curt nods.
Exiting the Boy's Bedroom
Yes, do it. As fast as you can. Write us with your tale of survival.
Cleaning the Boy's Bedroom
We regret to inform you dear reader that every person who has attempted to write this section has been assassinated, apart from Mrs Graversly, who was merely fired into outer space from a science project designed by 15 year old boys. We apologize for the inconvenience and hope to relay something useful in due course.
Requesting the Dark-Prince-in-Residence to Leave the Boy's Bedroom
So, just which part of don't and bloody idiot do you not get?