Bradford Odeon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
The BORG protect the Odeon from the Council and other evil-doers.

“Every man likes a pair of large firm domes.”

~ Seven of Nine on the topic of the Odeon's fine form.

Background of the Odeon[edit]

Bradford is a City in the North of England which is the home to the Odeon cinema, formerly known as the New Victoria, despite being built in 1930 to a magnificent standard, recent decades have seen concerted efforts to destroy the cinema which has caused division between the protectors of the Odeon who are a collective of Yorkshire BORG and the Councillors who are a collective of self serving individuals with questionable morals especially where developers are concerned.

Bradford was once a leading city in the World's economy, the historic success of Bradford can still be seen in its architecture. Bradford ain't leading but two things, right now, Jack and shit... and Jack left town.

A city betrayed[edit]

File:Concrete bradford.png
Regeneration means concrete & square.

In the 1960's whilst The Beatles played at the Odeon, the architect John Poulson accidentally on purpose created a number of Direct Debits into the accounts of public officials, then by a chain reaction of accidentally on purpose events much of Bradford's irreplaceable, unique, beautiful architecture was flattened to be replaced by large ugly concrete squares.

Swan Arcade was deemed too classy for Bradford, so it was bulldozed.

In 1974, Poulson was described by a judge as “a very naughty boy” and then he was sentenced to 5 years in prison, unfortunately as the prison was a depressing square concrete structure Poulson felt very much at home.

To this day, Bradford politicians continue to support developers in the destruction of history to be replaced by square and souless structures.

War on the Odeon![edit]

New tactics were required to pull the wool over the eyes of the electorate, so in 2003 the Council created a scapegoat called BCR (Bradford Centre Regiment), the cash hungry army was ruled with an iron fist by Field Marshal Maud.

Field Marshal Maud overseeing Bradford's destruction.

In a brilliant tactical move propaganda claims of asbestos were used to justify the attack on Odeon, only a former Odeon employee knew the truth, the asbestos had been snorted out of the walls by trespassing drug addicts in the 1980's.

By the end of Maud's reign as leader of the BCR much of Bradford resembled a war torn Eastern European city, complete with craters, economic destruction and demoralised citizens.

The Odeon's Fate[edit]

The plan for the Odeon was morally and financially flawed, the plan was to cover it behind a large white sheet, then in a publicity stunt, Dynamo the magician would make it vanish.

As in the past heritage was being replaced to ensure maximum profit for developers, the new development was given the Odeon's original name, being called New Victoria Place. The development comprised of more unnecessary apartments and hotel rooms, this was puzzling as Bradford did not have even a 5th of the number of prostitutes needed to occupy the existing hotel space in the city. The ease of purchase of hammers and crossbows in city centre shops was sure to maintain the disparity between available prostitutes and available hotel rooms.

Bradfordians Said No[edit]

A plea for help.

2000 Bradfordians, almost as many as turn up for Bradford Bulls matches in an entire season objected to the Odeon's demolition in writing.

The local newspaper keen to reduce its readership by another 2000 decided to back the Council as the purchase of the newspaper building had been muted provided the Odeon's demise was secured.

Local reporters stuck their heads up their own arses.

Betrayal of the Odeon[edit]

As the battle came to a head, the Council planning department made paper aeroplanes out of the BORGs objection letters throwing them one by one out of a window.

Finally in September 2009 Bradford Councillors showed their true colours and approved the demolition of the Odeon.


  • Bradford now has so many hotels the hotel staff have to live in them to keep them occupied. Still at least you can get a room for 1 Councillor and 2 prostitutes, all together for a night long threesome for under £30.
Danny Dyer "You've got to ask yourself was it all worth it.... 'COURSE IT FUCKIN' WAS!"
  • Celebrities including Danny Dyer, Jason Statham and Vinnie Jones have offered their support to BORG to even the odds against the pen pushers at city hall.
  • BCR was fully supported by Conservative Kris Hopkins and Labour's Ian Greenwood, after the arrival of George Galloway a well known cat impersonator, these local politicians claimed amnesia brought on by asbestos exposure when questioned about their past actions.