Brann

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“That nasty shit in some cereals”

~ Tamia on Bran

Brann is widely recognised within the city of Bergen as the greatest soccer club of all times. In the fall of 2006, the club became the first to have won the domestic double 100 times in a row - each and every title bagged long before the season had actually kicked off. However, the club has only actually recieved less than half a dozen of their rightly deserved trophies, as the Norwegian football association is secretly run by blindfolded gophers.

Ahead of the 2006-season, the Brann-supporters have already laid their claim to the Tippeliga title, but with the kick-off only months away it appears that incompetence and stupidity will once again prevail.

Brann have several times been accused of fielding 12 players, one more than is actually allowed, and that the 12th player is Chuck Norris, who moves too fast for the eye to follow and thus has been impossible to spot. While the club board has not denied these claims, they have argued that if Chuck Norris was actually a Brann player, he would have roundhouse kicked every single Vålerenga supporter until even their jerseys turned black and blue.