Brian Jones

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Jones,
Brian "Sex God" Jones
Biographical information
Homeworld

London, Netherworld

Physical description
Species

human

Gender

male

Height

5 ft 8

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

1960s

Affiliation

America, The Rolling Stones

  [Source]


Brian Jones (February 28, 1942 - July 3, 1969) was a multi-instrumental musician, hippie, and an honorary member/ founder of the British blues/rock bandThe Rolling Stones. Brian had intentions for the band to be a blues cover band until up to the end of 1965, until control freaks Mick Jagger and Keith Richards teamed up and eventually drove him out of the band just 2 weeks before he was drowned by his builder in his swimming pool.

Early Life[edit]

Born Lewis-Brian Hopkins Jones on February 28, 1942 (or better known as Brian Jones). Brian was kicked out of his house for having sexual-relations with a 14 year old girl and had to live somewhere else. Brian was renowned for his macho-ness, pickpocketing skills, and yes, his playboy-esque character.

At the beginning, Jones would stay home all day practicing instruments to be played for The Rolling Stones. Some of these instruments include the Didgeridoo and the Sitar.

Rollin' Stoned[edit]

Brian, stoned for life.

In London, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards met up at a club looking at advertisements for (hopefully) a blues-influenced band. They were surprised to find Brian's post and inquired on it. Soon Brian, Mick and Keith were looking for a bassist and a drummer.

Bouncywikilogo3.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Brian Jones.

They decided to recruit the multi-talented Bill Wyman and a young farmer boy named Charlie Watts.

The band went through several names like "The Brian Jones Six", but Brian suggested that they go with a Muddy Waters inspired name, after his song "Rolling Stone".

Aftermath[edit]

The Rolling Stones became the most influential and most successful rock bands of their time. The band consisted now of Brian Jones (skilled guitarist, multti-instrumentalist), Mick Jagger (vocals, song-writer), Keith Richards (lead-guitar, song-writer), Bill Wyman (bass), and Charlie Watts (drums). The band made a name for themselves by things such as appearing on the Ed Sullivan Show.

Brian soon became famous for his ability to play many instruments, ability to pick up and inspire people with rare instruments, and pick up ones fast.

Personal Life[edit]

He met Anita Pallenberg at a Stones concert in 1965 when she snuck backstage. Brian and Anita clicked instantly, and were soon married. As Brian got more influenced by drugs and alcohol, he started to become increasingly violent towards her. Anita eventually decided to leave, despite her being Brian's one true love. She sought Keith Richards for comfort (yeah, what the fuck?).

Because of this he sought help in drugs and soon spiralled into a deep and unstoppable addiction.

Death[edit]

Brian had been having disputes with his builder leading up to his death. He lived in a house that was formerly owned by the author of Winnie-The-Pooh. Brian wasn't satisfied with the botchy job that his builder had been performing on the property, with an overly-decent wage. He felt bad for having an argument with him, so he invited him over for "a cup of tea". Brian and the builder were plowing through bottles of beer. Of course, Brian was also under the influence of drugs at the time. They decided to head down to the pool. The maid inside the house called for his girlfriend at the time, Anna Wohlin, to come and answer the phone. The two men who were completely out of it were left alone. The builder and Brian were having little goes at eachother at the lead up to the incident. They both decided to take a dip. The builder was angry at Brian, and started splashing him. Brian thought it was a game, and played along. This lead to Brian being suffocated by him. Anna came out from the house and found Brian floating on the top of the pool, dead. She immediately called ambulances and the police. She found it strange, considering he was a more than decent swimmer (he had learnt young due to bad asthma). Others No one knows exactly what happened, but it is said that before the builder died he confessed that he killed Brian Jones, and another witness recently came out saying she saw him kill Brian. At the time though, they thought that because he was under the influence of drugs, that he fell asleep at the bottom of the pool. Some suggest that there were more builders that turned up to help hold him under water. For now, his death remains a mystery.


Requiescat in pace!

See Also[edit]

Preceded by:
Aleister Crowley
Sixth Emperor of the United States
December 1, 1947July 3, 1969
Succeeded by:
Lyndon B. Johnson