Briantology

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What is Briantology?[edit]

There is a new religion that is starting in the U.S. and it is called Briantology. It is the art of worshipping Brian Love. It was invented on July 3rd, 2006 because there was a high demand for a new religion that consists of worshipping the greatest man in the universe. Brian Love is flattered that they have started a religion after him, but he just wonders why it had not happend sooner.

The Inventor[edit]

The inventor of the religion Briantology is a wise man named Michael Scarn. He once walked 6 days just so that he could kiss the feet of Brian Love. He thought that if he were the lesser of our people he should be worshipped religiously. Since Michael invented Briantology he has been considered the second smartest person in the world, according to Time Magazine. We all know that the reason he is so smart is because Brian Love allowed him to be so good.

The Ten Brianments[edit]

  • You must only worship Brian Love
  • You must not use Brian Love's name in vain
  • You must bow down to Brian Love
  • You must not look directly at Brian Love
  • You must not ask Brian Love questions, unless written on paper and handed to a servant
  • You must not touch Brian Love, unless specified by Brian Love
  • You must not steal except for the sake of Brian Love
  • You must dress in formal attire in front of Brian Love
  • You must give half of your salary to Brian Love
  • You must only worship Brian Love

The Shrine[edit]

Everyone must have a specific room in their house that is a shrine to Brian Love. The room's walls must be covered with Pictures of Brian Love. You must make an offering of food every meal for Brian Love. For Breakfast you must make the offering of 43 Egg sausage Mcmuffins and 55 Glasses of Pomegranate juice. For Lunch you must offer 932 cans of creamed corn, 543 loaves of Italian Artisan Bread and 122 bottles of Mountain Dew: Code Red. For Dinner you must offer 587 12 ounce Rib-Eye Steaks, 32 Zuchinnis, 72 chickens but only the white meat and 1,000,000 Strawberry Milkshakes. Yes, I did Say one million strawberry milk shakes.

See also[edit]