Bridging

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For the last few thousand years, kids have been getting high. At the beginning, all they had were adrenaline rushes and auto-erotic asphyxiation to get high on. However, as technology has progressed, more and more drugs have become available. Along with this explosion of highs came Death. Lots and lots of Death.

As many children have found out, being dead sucks. With this in mind, a "safe" alternative to getting high was needed. Are you ready for it? Well here it is:

Bridging![edit]

Yeah...those guys are totally Bridging!

What the Hell is Bridging Anyways?[edit]

Bridging is a growing trend of semi-dangerous activities designed to replace alcohol, drugs, and bricking. Popularized in the late 1980s via the Disco movement, it has steadily grown into the #4 high in the US, behind Fucking with Cops, Heroine, and Kitten Huffing. Unlike many other drugs, Bridging is fairly safe, provided one is able to avoid the bridge.

In general, Bridging is the sensation that one feels when one travels at excessively high speed under a bridge. Some say it is comparable to ecstasy, LSD, and baby-throwing. Unlike the previous examples, Bridging is semi-legal in most places. And also unlike the previous examples, Bridging is very safe, provided one is able to avoid the bridge.

The History of Bridging[edit]

It has been recently discovered that Leonardo da Vinci was the first addict to bridging. In his journal, one day he wrote, "Ho un grande desiderare in miei pantaloni ballare. Guardi là quelle lontre dentellare! (I have a great want in my pants to dance. Look over there at those pink otters!)" Later in his jounals, it was found that da Vinci had done an in-depth study of bridging, and came up with a formula like this:

Throughout history, bridging has gone through periods of ups and downs. The 1700's and late 1800's were times of enormous bridgings. In 1896, a man in Moscow died from a bridging O.D. No one quite knows how or why this happened, but many people suspect that he actually hit the bridge. General evidence points to the fact that bridges are hard, and do not move.

Current Bridgers[edit]

While there is no organization (such as Falling Off Of A Roof Anonymous) for people addicted to Bridging, and few states bother to collect statistics on Bridging, the use of this drug seems to be on the rise. In many cities, such as Boston, New Orleans and San Fransisco there are numerous reports of people Bridging, sometimes with deadly results.

This is only allegorical data, and has not been statistically determined. However, there is at least some evidence that the midwest has the lowest incidence of Bridging throughout the entire US.


Safety Precautions[edit]

Do not hit the bridge.