“He knew Barney”
The Brontosaurus is a large dinosaur between 50 and 200 feet (depending on subspecies) in length. It is commonly regarded as the most ferocious of the dinosaurs, and has played an instrumental role in many wars since it was tamed by the Jews in the late 15th century B.C. Some historians credit the Brontosaurus for singlehandedly defeating the Jesusaur during the Dinosaur Revolt. Due to it's instrumental role in defeating the avatar of God, subsequent appearances by the Brontosaurus have largely been covered up.
Types of Brontosaurus
There are three common types of Brontosaurus, as well as many rare uncommon types. Common types of Brontosaurus include:
- Typical Brontosaurus
- Fire-Breathing Brontosaurus
- Asexual Brontosaurus
While the Typical Brontosaurus is the most common form of Brontosaurus, the Fire-Breathing Brontosaurus makes up a significant percentage of the Brontosaurus population. The Fire-Breathing Brontosaurus also played a major part in Tsar Alexander II's freeing of the Serfs. The Asexual Brontosaurus is most noted for the extreme confusion it caused scientists after its discovery in 1998. Previously, some Scientists promoted theories stating that the Brontosaurus had never existed in the first place. These scientists were clearly in conspiracy with God.
Uncommon types of Brontosaurus include:
- Miniature Brontosaurus
- Spacefaring Brontosaurus
- Charm Brontosaurus
- Strange Brontosaurus
- Red Bull Brontosaurus
While the Jesusaur was modeled on the Fire-Breathing Brontosaurus, it is not considered a true Brontosaur because it is sterile.
Origins of the Brontosaurus
The Brontosaurus was originally thought to be a dinosaur not unlike Tyrannosaurus Rex, Velociraptor, or Reese Witherspoon. It was not until the American Revolution that Benjamin Franklin hypothesized that the Brontosaurus was, in fact, a cosmic being that predated the Earth itself. Later sightings of the Spacefaring Brontosaurus have confirmed Franklin's theory. Theologists rushed to determine whether or not the Brontosaurus was the seed of life on the planet, in effect replacing God. In fact, this question may be another reason for the apparent bad blood between God and the Brontosaurus race.
"There is no such thing as a Brontosaurus"
Max Planck, the archaeologist widely credited with the discovery of the Brontosaurus, later went back on his claim of discovery, saying that the Apatosaurus, discovered two years earlier, was an identical animal. Many prominent scientists, including Charles Darwin, quickly sided with Planck, beginning the argument over evolution.