Bucky the wonder elk

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“I loved Bucky like a brother, but you know like the kind you can have sex with I guess in that sense he is kinda like some sort of step cousin, but the love is akin to that I would show a brother...”

~ Chairman Mao on Bucky the wonder elk

“That #[email protected]%ing elk did what to my cow!?!”

~ Dairy Farmer on Bucky the wonder elk


~ Inner Demons on Bucky the wonder elk

Bucky the Wonder Elk is a magic Elk whom is most known the target of adoration by the denizens of Portland, Oregon. The sacred adoration of the elk, a high holy day for those who follow the cult of the most sacred elk, is a day when the true believers of the majesty of Bucky will don sacred horns and impale cows over a burning fire. The object is to spill the cows blood extinguishing the fire. This is a emulation of Bucky's extinguishing of the great 1902 Portland fire. He is still worshiped today.

Bucky and the 1902 fire[edit]

In 1902, Portland was some type of thriving western town rich from extortion, and its support of winning cock fighters, the city seemed unstoppable. However, some had raised some concern over its entirely wooden construction. These dissidents were soon crucified upon Portland's black hill. In fact to prove them wrong more wooden buildings were commissioned and constructed. To celebrate the purgation of the city and the construction of the wondrous new buildings, the population was required to become hippies, much to the delight of one time resident, Courtney Love. However this progress had come at too step a price the massive hippie population required massive amounts of organic cow friendly hippie milk. This increased demand for milk led many farmers to stay up later and later milking even after sun down, necessitating the use of lanterns. One night a cow named Ole' Bessie kicked over a oil lantern a farmer, exhausted by the day's work had left there. The lantern began to burn the hay in the barn beginning a small fire. Bucky the Wonder Elk who was casually wandering through the woods at that time smelled the fire and investigated. There he found the terrorist cow Bessie, planning the murder of thousands with her lantern kicking. Following Homeland Security protocol, he immediately killed the suspected terrorist with his horns, spilling the cows blood over the fire extinguishing it and saving the township of Portland, which was destroyed two months later in what some would come to call the worst talk like a pirate day ever.


Although Bucky's acts would amount to nothing within weeks, he is still remembered by his cult and all those they kidnap and brain wash. Also his name would come to be infamous with the Chinese government when he emigrated there and became close friends with Chairman Mao.

These tourists were soon killed for defiling Bucky's statue by sitting on it.

First Encounter with Chairmen Mao[edit]

Bucky soon grew bored saving hippies in Portland. He was looking for adventure near the docks when he stumbled upon some carnival workers who offered him drugs, never one to pass up something free he accepted with glee. However the carnies had given him tainted LSD, so instead of giving him hallucinations of sugar plums and oatmeal enjoying some turpentine gravy, he passed out and was abducted by the carnival dwellers. He woke up in a Chinese port three weeks later in a steel cage. Here he met a young Chinese man with whom he would spend the next forty years.

A statue of chairmen Mao located twenty feet from Bucky's Statue in Portland, Oregon the close proximity is indicative of their friendship

Bucky, Mao, and the Long March[edit]

Sometime in the past Mao Tse Tung began a long march to avoid a long line at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Having met the wonder Elk earlier, he freed him from his carnival bondage, and rode him like a rodeo show. Bucky eventually gave in to the gentle caress and sweet talk of the future dictator. They proceeded to travel for over twenty million miles across central china, Detroit, and the moon. However, fifteen minutes into their journey Mao was struck with a falling piano as they traveled through a cartoon. To save his friend and now lover Bucky removed his own head and replaced it with Mao's. (Bucky kept his head in a cheese cave until 1984.) The Mao elk then continued the long march, sharing Bucky's body with Bucky's inner demons.

One of Bucky's inner demons as discovered by catholic priests, they considered molesting it

Bucky's inner demons[edit]

Bucky was for a time renowned for his inner demons during the 1920's and 30's. However recently Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez has passed him both in terms of quantity and quality. The most impressive feat of inner demon hood displayed by Bucky is the physical manifestations of these demons produced. Much like a chronic masturbator he often leaves his mark wherever he goes. Many ghosts,giant squid, and werewolves are actually the nocturnal emissions of one Bucky the wonder elk.

Cult of Bucky[edit]

Bucky, although never to return to Portland, was promoted by some of his inner demons as they roamed the land. (They also promoted Insomnia, Schizophrenia, and various Hallucinations) They were of course recruited by a pharmaceutical company, as they were a good source of customers. However, growing tired of a pampered life of injections, pre-fabricated meals, and cold, sterile, white padded rooms. Thus they escaped using the only weapon one can use against a massive, cartel like, international company. They used Arson. Unlike a lawsuit, arson cannot be delayed by a counter claim, or a rich lawyer, the only thing that is going to save you there only the Fire Department. But, using some spike strips lain in front of the drive way at the FD, nobody is gonna question your right to have a few Molotov Cocktails at happy hour, or rather throw them. Fleeing the ruins of the company that was on the verge of discovering the cure for cancer, they then went and continued what they were doing, and in the process endowed some Portland hippies with the knowledge of Bucky. However, the image of Bucky they gave the confused hippies was not of the true violent, drugged, gay loving Bucky. But, instead was the image of a famous father coming to acknowledge his downtrodden ilk who were suffering at the hands of a vicious pharmaceutical empire. Thus the cult was born and continues to be one of the most violent, vicious terror groups in history.

That's right demon stick it to man
Well...not that man, he's just a kindly old hermit