Bulgovia is one of the eight hundred small countries nestled in the Balkans. Originally these countries were little provinces nestled within the mountains, but all were taken over by Russia during the early 20th Century because of their precious furnuncle resources and their sturdy mountain women, whom it was believed would breed excellent hockey players. Its currency is the Bulg, and its national flag is like the Welsh flag only instead of blood red, the flag is bright crimson.
Bulgovia did not regain its independence until Communism fell, although it did not become aware of its independence until 1996, when a traveling furnuncle speculator stumbled upon the country and told them the news. Presently it encourages free enterprise and has started up a modestly successful economy based on trout and the sale of reed towelettes. Political divisions have since emerged, and fierce debates are presently being conducted in Parliament over whether Kirk or Picard should be on the new coinage.
Bulgovia's area is in the region of 350 square miles, most of which is mountainous terrain. As such Bulgovia has no football, Rugby or cricket teams, but it amongst the best for golf and skiing (not to be confused with streaking).
Bulgovia also has hallucinogenic mushrooms growing almost everywhere. A fact little known by tourists or random explorers or even the people of Bulgovia, who are content to sit around and watch Jesus stroll by, sharing a cigar with Richard Nixon.
|1276 AD||The Bulgovian Principality forms, under Prince Prince the First. The nation's ideals were freedom, trout and getting away from that git Henry of the Serbs, who keeps stealing my fish.|
|1278 AD||In the areas we now call Serbia, a man called Henry is attacked and has his fish stolen by Bulgovia's eighteen-man army.|
|1279 AD||A counter attack is organised by the people of the areas and over two thousand troops invade and annex Bulgovia.|
|1281 AD||Two thousand troops get bored and leave with all the fish.|
|1283 AD||Mushroom soup becomes the national dish.|
|1284 AD||Donald the duck robs a farmer and his family, using a particularly sharp fish. However several cowboys and Indians from a nearby ranch save the day.|
|1291 AD||Prince Prince changes his name to Prince Bora. For legal purposes, he must be referred to in official documents as "The Prince Formerly Known as Prince Prince".|
|1292 AD||Scribes rebel. Prince Bora changes his name to Princess Nancy.|
|1301 AD||Princess Nancy bans sheep buggery.|
|1302 AD||Peasants revolt. Princess Nancy is deposed in bloody palace coup. Sheep buggery reinstated.|
|1369 AD||Rebellion against the Obese Government cripples Bulgovia's economy. It now costs just 56,000 Bulgs to buy one mediocre loaf of bread. Half of Bulgovia's Army are slaughtered by George Orwell's rebels.|
|1562 AD||28000 Dutch immigrants come by, helping save the population from its increasingly narrow gene pool and the hazards of the aforementioned, largely due to the renowned tart Tracey of Hoy and her friends.|
|1568 AD||After many of them catch syphilis the Dutch leave.|
|1628 AD||A second wave of immigrants from Wales arrive, numbering over 10000. They find Bulgovia to be dull, full of weirdos and quiet. Over 98% of the population of Bulgovia are descended from these settlers, and Bulgovia is the only nation in the world who speak Welsh as their first national language.|
|1940 AD||During the war, Russia absorbs Bulgovia while no one is looking. Or cares. This causes Bulgovia to move from the medieval to industrial age in 6 weeks.|
|1945 AD||Creationism is removed from the curriculum and Bulgovia is modernised somewhat by the USSR's various state projects. These include installation of toilet systems that don't require windows and the introduction of the pen in schools.|
|1946 AD||Following the collapse of the quill-making industry Bulgovia has a recession. This lasts approximately 3 days when all five quill makers find themselves employed installing toilets.|
|5th March 1957 AD||Bulgovia's great lake is restocked with 4 adult trout. In a few years they will have bred and made many more.|
|3rd September 1957 AD||Bulgovia has a famine, the trout are eaten.|
|9th November 1989 AD||The collapse of communism leaves Bulgovia an independent nation again.|
|10th November 1989 AD||Conflict over the constitution begins.|
|12th February 1990 AD||George Orwell leads the rebels to victory and he installs democracy. The nation begins its slide into capitalism.|
|18th Febrary 1990 AD||The Coca Cola factory begins producing cola to sell to Bulgovians. It's a small plant, but at 57 people it's still Bulgovia's biggest employer to this day.|
|25th June 1996 AD||Bulgovia attempts to restock its lake with trout. Many more are ordered this time and not eaten.|
|June 1999 AD||The trout breeding program is so successful that the trout level is approximately 4 inches above over the waterline in most lakes and streams.|
|July 1999 AD||Troutskin clothing exports reach a new high, rising 4058% to 25.342229 items per year.|
In recent years Bulgovia has finally gotten its trout back. Its economy is now largely trout export, tourism, mushroom farming, coca cola production and mining. Pastimes include long walks in the mountains and talking to the mountains, as strangely enough Bulgovia's mountains are among the only talking mountains in the world.
The present form of government is democracy, and the government is elected by the first past the post method, an archaic method only used in such third world countries as Scotland.
Communism is still missed by many citizens and fierce debate abounds about whether capitalism and freedom is as a good as living under rule of 5 metre tall giants and Russian-speaking cows. But despite all this, everyone venerates George Orwell for his courage and aid during the formation of their new government. No other man has sacrificed three eyes and their third arm for a country, that is sure.
The nation anthem is presently this, written at its founding and barely changed since.
Oh Bulgovia, I'm proud to say I'm from here, not a land of immense riches, not a land of sophistication, but we're bigger than Luxembourg
Oh Bulgovia, the trout leaps through your lake, and the mountains know astrophysics. We have done little, but at least we aren't trout-stealing Serbs.
Bulgovia is known for it's witty probverbs for dozens of miles around its borders.
|You cannot lead a trout to water and in fact to do so is illegal.|
|If the train is late in the station, flirt with the girl in the ticket office. If the plane is late in Heathrow airport, raise a family with one of the cleaning staff.|
|When farted upon, always fart back with dignacy.|