Bundaberg Rum

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Bundaberg Rum is not a person but a very powerful drink. Bundaberg Rum is like a spiritual God who has super duper powers. Bundaberg rum will give you amazing powers which you never thought existed.

Creation[edit]

First created on 0bc for the pure reason that once God,a single parent, had his own son, he decided to hit the bottle, and being 2000 years ago, there was only shit drinks invented, so God had to find someone with special powers who could create something perfect with the click of his fingers, but because it was Christmas day everyone was on holidays. God did not like that, so God got stressed and went on holidays to a little town in Queensland, Australia called Bundaberg. Whilst here he found a mansion called the 'Bundaberg Rum Distillery' but being Christmas day it was closed, but God had a plan, to plan was to sneak inside and steal the recipe, but breaking in caused security alarms to go off, thus alerting superman, batman, the hulk, the fantastic four, bluntman and chronic. But because of the long plane fight from America to Australia, and finding a taxi willing to take them all from Brisbane to Bundaberg, they all got a bit stressed after it all and ended up trying to steal drinks from the distellery, but being shut they had to make their own, and each superhero put a little bit of super duper power in it.

Powers[edit]

Bundaberg Rum has several amazing powers:

  • The power of courage: Bundaberg is famous for giving the drinker a false sense of courage. Whilst drinking bundaberg rum, it is encouraged that the drinker does not go near the the land of OZ. In fact, it's just best to stay in your forest.
  • The power to give you a brain: Drinking Bundaberg rum will increase your IQ like what the scarecrow wanted in the Wizard of OZ. One 30ml shot of bundy will increase your IQ so much your brain will almost explode. your brain will be able to perform amazing calculations quicker than Bill Gate's 10ghz,1000gb RAM Computer.
  • The power of a heart: Bundy, for some unknown reason, incites negative self-introspection and negative self-reflections. You will continue to say that you are overweight. Even though you really aren't that bad.
  • The power to give you a home...on the streets: Drinking Bundaberg Rum will send you around the bend so much that you will instantly be addicted and buy so much rum that you will sell your house for one bottle of rum.
  • The power of pulling ugly girls: Once you are addicted to Bundy you will be what is commonly known as a "Rum Pig" and you will constantly be sleeping with a lot of 40 year old ugly girls, commonly known as Bush Pigs.

Method[edit]

Bundaberg Rum as available in two formats: Straight, Mixed and Draught.

  • Straight is when you buy a bottle of rum. Drinking Bundaberg Rum is not, I repeat, NOT a good idea. I once heard about a guy in Goondiwindi who drank it and promptly imploded nearly causing a blackhole (He was quite a large man, I hear). But that's Goodiwindi people for you.

An easier and, by popular vote, better way of consuming straight rum and to "mix that shit up".

  • Mixed is when you add other liquids to make it more palatable. Coke is by far the most popular mixer for Bundy but sometime you get an adventurous rum-drinker who will add Ginger Ale and that's called Dark 'N' Stormy. I tried once and isn't for me, but I know someone who swears by the stuff. Needless to say, he has trouble with the ladies. Water is another, less-popular mixer. My best friends' Dad does it like that, but he lives in a small town out whoop-whoop so it's easy to question his sanity. It is possible to mix any liquid with Bundaberg Rum, but whether or not it is good for you or easy on the tongue is in the taste/immunity of the beholder. I mean, I once heard of a guy mixing it with beer. Actually, I think that was me...?
  • Draught, or Bundy Draught as I commonly ask the bartender, is my personal choice for consumption method of Bundaberg Rum. I used to mix it myself because I was young, rich and only interested in getting totally munted but as I got older and my immunity to the ripe taste of alcohol wore off I started to opt for the easier version. You can buy a 6 pack of Bundy Rum and Coke or the aforementioned Dark 'N' Stormy over the counter in Bottle-O's but most people tend to get it on tap at their local watering hole.

Whichever way you choose to drink Bundy, be sure to drink a lot of it and no matter what, you'll forget that it ever tasted bad (or good) and drink it again next time.

Bundy, Drink or Person??[edit]

All of the top lawyers have debated this case, but still no conclusion has been made. The debate can not be settled because although it can be drank, you can also talk to a bottle and get romantic with it (if thats what your into.)


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