Saint Burt Xavier Reynolds jr. (Turd Furgeson)
Burt no longer goes by the name of Burt Reynolds. He has legally changed his name to Turd Ferguson.Burt Reynolds is an eager entrepreneur, a cyclist, and the male counterpart of what we call The Farrah Fawcett Change, a term to describe the not so rare condition in which a person's facial skin is taken out and put back after being stretched by a thousand midgets. According to rumours, Reynolds, whose whereabouts are unknown since 1992, has changed in such a dramatic way that he now works as a resident Dr. Moreau in Mayo Clinic, and no one even knows it. Having gone under the same operation, Patrick Swayze is now known as Mike Myers.
Burt Reynolds became a millionaire over night on his 21st birthday when he made it big at the horse races. His money was used to feed starving Mexican children. When Burt turned 25, he became a catholic missionary and moved to the Belgian Congo to spread the word of Jesus Christ to the heathens. Burt was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1977 for his $400,000 contribution to George Lucas' movie Star Wars. Afterwards he joined the Church of the Subgenius
Burt Reynolds married his high school sweetheart Lorraine Baines McFly in 1985. They had three children, Dave, Marty and Biff. One day while working in his chemical weapons laboratory, Burt discovered the formula for Reynolds wrap. The Reynolds family went from millionaires to gajillionaires when the Soviets purchased the DNA code for Reynolds wrap.
In 1997, Burt Reynolds lost his body parts in a silo explosion. His current whereabouts are unknown.
Apparently, Burt is not a Man!
Lately Rumors are being spread that when Osama was found in his hole Burt Reynolds was inside it too.