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Burton-upon-Trent is known as the staggering city by its close neighbours and as one big pub by its indigenous population.


Burton-upon-Trent is found in that mystical twilight zone between drunkenness and inebriation. Rarely staying in one place long it is usually witnessed stumbling erratically across the wilds of Stamfordshire as it attempts to complete its mythical quest to return home before dawn.


If you like Beer then there are plenty of pubs and museums to visit. If you don’t, then Burton is definitely not the place for you.


The Government of Burton is in a constant state of flux. The frequent wars fought between the rival breweries and the inability of key officials to remember what was decided the night before has led to a novel form of drunken anarchy developing.

Leaders are elected according to their ability to consume vast quantities of the local beers and whilst this provides for an entertaining night it makes for poor city management. Fortunately no-one has, as yet, noticed so things carry on regardless, if in a round about manner.


Burton-upon-Trent is notable as being the only civilised city that is totally dependent on alcohol and its by-products. Money ceased to be used as currency many ages ago and now the people exchange beers in a form of bartering.

Famous Burton-upon-Trentians[edit]

There are none, apart from the renowned Iain Ballcock. Nobody ever leaves as they're too pissed to find their way out of town.

Infamous residents include Iain Ballcock, Burton's first very own half man, half ginger sheep. Often to be seen wondering Burton moors during mating season, wearing nothing but an intent look on his face, velcro gloves and an over sized pair of wellies. Contrary to popular belief he will not be changing his name to BAAA-bera.