Busking

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Busking is a form of torture commonly used by the British governemnt on its secret underground facility known to insiders as "The Tube" Unknowing victims are sent on "The Tube", lured by funny advertisements and little leprachauns said to reside in the "tuh-rains" that supposedly exist underground. Then they are subjected to the most horrible form of cruel and unusual punishment known to man.

The History[edit]

"The Most Cruel and Unusual Punishment Known To Man" is indeed, Busking. Busking is a secret ritual, formerly only known to Wiccans, that they would use to ostracize members of their clique who went to McDonalds. It involves finding someone with a fair amount of skills at impersonating a bad musician, who also happened to have the fighting skills of a ninja. Surprisingly for the British Government, there happened to be a small hole in the fabric of space, located around 20 miles from of London, that spewed people with this skill set, dressed in different clothes, in infinite varities. King Foop, the first king of England, back in ol' -9999999 BC had accidentally stuck his foot into that spot while badly playing a banjo and simultaneously fighting of another caveman assassin with a stick. Bob and Jebus, who were in charge of the world at that time, were too distracted by the cheese that Bob had just made, and therefore could not come to the help of King Foop, who stayed there for over 100 years, marveling at the fact that Foop had a Foot. Somehow, his king-li-ness managed to tear a hole in the fabric of space-time. Why it produces bad musician/pirate ninjas, nobody knows. Groucho Marx claimed to know, but he dropped dead the next second.

How It Works[edit]

Busking, the torture, is very simple. "Buskers" crouch down in special camouflage sections of "The Tube", where they pretend to be playing music. Then, when passerby's pass by, Buskers hit them with their instuments, and drag them into maintenance closetes, where they are used for medical testing. Thats is why many Buskers seem tired, their instruemnts beaten up, and why they are always near maintenance closets. An interesting note is that many Buskers solicit passer-by's for money. However, they rarely receive any, and so they cannot be supporting themselves that way. Groucho Marx, an apparent expert on the subject, was said to have said they did this to bring in money on the side from their pay from the British Governemnts. We can therefore assume that the British Government does not pay their secret assassins highly. Also, in recent years, the British Government has started handing out licences to buskers. If you do not have a licence, and a constable points at you with a "Busko-Detecto" (Trade Mark Kanye West) they find out that you do not have a licence, and deport you to Canada. That is how they ensure that the Government sponsored Buskers get all the good spots.

How You Can Fight Back[edit]

Thankfully for your average citizen, a secret underground Busker Resistance has sprung up. It is commonly known as the "Human Race" Since it turned out everybody hated listening to bad music, and being hit on the head and used for medical testing, most everybody you know helps out in some way in the fight against buskers. Whether its not giving them money, mugging them, or boo-ing them, we can all make Buskers lives miserable in some way. For more information, call 1-800-3733-739.

See also[edit]