"Their sound took me to Afghanistan and back"
~ Chuck Norris on C Sharp
C# (/sea's harp/) (or C" on Yankee keyboards) are a progressive rock band from Denmark. C# is named after a musical key that no musician wants to play in. Beethoven wrote his Moonlight Sonata in C# because he was EMO and didn't want noobs who thought they could play the piano to butcher it at their recitals.
The band C# were formed in 1923 by fruit shop owners Bill Clinton, Bugs Bunny and Hanson. Bill, being quite the legend on guitar, wanted to get famous rather than juggle bananas all his life. Bugs simply wanted to impress his long term crush, Princess Leia, and Hanson only wanted to not suck. None of them actually lived in Denmark, but they just liked bacon and worshipped Peter Schmeichel. In the early years of the depression, the group began a world tour, wherein their new hit single "puddy tine on yo panties" reached number one on the charts, and remained for seven years.
Getting their first gig at a circus, they got killed by tomatoes and carrots because they were so bad. It is said, in fact, that Queen Victoria actually heard of them because of their crapness at that gig, and banned their music in England until 1723. Their only compliment came from a bear called Bill Gates of Blink-182 fame, who said they sounded like "farts under water". It was this comment alone that encouraged them to write and release their first album, "Hot Fuss".
After lengthy legal battles with The Killers, who claimed they stole their cat (which they truly thought was funny), things were looking bleak for C#. All members had emptied their pockets paying for lawyers to win their case (which they eventually lost, resulting in them changing their album name to "C#"), and Bill Clinton decided enough was enough. He married US President Hillary Clinton and left the band.
Bill was replaced by David Hasselhoff, who had a desire to start a career in the music business. Unfortunately, he sucked ass, so was kicked out. Bugs Bunny realised that Hanson were also crap, so got rid of them as well. He then successfully made the band into the world's most famous 1 piece.
C# carried on until the late 1990s, when the band's poor sales of their second album forced Bugs Bunny to recruit another member. Auditions were held, and after 3 years, Britney Spears joined the band as lead dancer. A few burgers were used as props for their shows, due to their aesthetical value and value for money.
After several reunion tours that brought the band together, C# finally called it a day in 1999. The world will remember the band for their awesome guitar solos and catchy tunes, as well as all the bikes they stole.
The founding members of the band C# also opened a farm. In this farm they kept goats, chickens and snails, and it was open to the general public. Darth Vader was a regular at this farm before he was killed by a bike - it was said that he greatly enjoyed the company of the goats. A chain of C# farms were formed, with outlets from England to Haiti. David Hasselhoff received a Golden Globe for his performance in a cabaret at the Paris farm, playing the role of Tullulah the showgirl.
Little Known Facts
- William Shatner hated C#
- Lobster Jesus was present at C#'s very last gig
- C#'s official slogan was "Kids, don't mess with nougat"
- C# are huge in Norway - the city of Stavanger was named after them
- David Hasselhoff hated beards