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~ Caernarfon teen on everything

Caernarfon (English: Cer-Naaaaaavun) is a town in North Wales inhabited be a race known as the 'Cofi'. Its name sounds so horrible in English that all its inhabitants boycott the language and speak Welsh, even the staff at the local Spar and Chinese takeaways. This one simple fact makes it a Mecca for middle-class Welsh speakers from more Anglicised areas, who get bored of monolingual English Chow Mein and Chop Suey.

This Mecca-like status makes the news editor at S4C jealous. His hometown Chinese takeaway staff only speak English. (And occasionally Cantonese, a language for Kung Fu films invented by Bruce Lee). As revenge, S4C news frequently shows Caernarfon's yobs beating people up whilst speaking Welsh (which they learned whilst in the Chinese takeaway queue).

Caernarfon teens are easily recognised due to their council flat face-lift hairdos, and legs above their heads. They are often heard to grunt words such as 'Taw' and 'Cont', often in the direction of elderly people or people from Pwllheli.

Caernarfon being a heathen place of sin contains a converted church, now known as the 'Hwylfan' (fun centre) which contains a vertical slide to the pits of hell and a dark mirror maze where local teen Kim (member of internationally renowned band Stairs) gave someone a chwythwaith.


  • Prince Charles (official Welsh title: eich tin) bought a hat in Caernarfon Castle in 1969.
  • Tesco's Caernarfon is a charity which employs non-Welsh speakers who have been refused work at the Chinese takeaways.
  • Caernarfon is on precisely the other side of the world from the Indian Ocean. The only other place with this property is everywhere else in Europe.
  • Member of internationally renowned band 'Stairs', Kim originates from Caernarfon and once gave a chwythwaith in the bus shelter that you can see when you walk past the castle towards the seagulls.
  • My auntie lives there.