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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Calcium.
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Calcium, also known as the white element, is found in the structure of three protons suppoting four electrons. In the centre of these is the main molecule, or "Queen Atom". If the queen atom leaves the molecule, or "Hive", this results in 'Helvetica scenario'. This can happen when an excess of pure calcium is simultaneously present, and a lead chamber is often used to prevent the worst effects.

Calcium is very important, as without it we would have no teeth, would be unable to process food, and would starve.