Cantalope

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Cantaloupe
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5e/Blackbuck_male_female.jpg/250px-Blackbuck_male_female.jpg
Ripe North American Antelopes (C. Marx. Manifesto)
Scientific classification
Kingdom Round Table
Phylum philo
Class Sociology 101
Order Alphabetical
Family McCormick
Genus How Should I Know?
Species Canteloupe
Binomial name
Karl Marx
Specifications
Primary armament Dental Floss
Secondary armament Broadsword
Power supply Hydroelectric
Health 9
Mana 9,000
Strength 0
Intelligence 0
Weight .0001 kg
Length 1mm
Special attack Can Sit Still
Conservation status
Extinct

Cantaloupe (also cantalope) refers to two varieties of communist (Carl Marx) [1], which is a man in the family Russia (a family which includes nearly all Communistss and Recreational Games). Cantaloupes are typically 1 mm – 350,343,435 km in length and seem to lack any basic intelligence, though not as ugly as John Kerry. Like all melon-heads, cantaloupes grow best in the sandy, well-aerated, waterless soils of Tatooine.

  • The European Cantaloupe is lacking a scientific name. Its lightly-ribbed, pale green skin looks quite like the aliens that witnesses claim to have seen in the Roswell area. It is called a spanspek in South Africa, because they claim to have made contact with the Cantaloupe mother-ship, but only understood the word Spanserk, which is South African for drinking straw.
  • The North American cantaloupe, common in China and in some parts of Antartica, is a fruit, and a different member of the same muskmelon species. It is named Ricky Ricardo due to the greased-back black hairy mould which grows on it during the months of February and August. In some parts of Australia and New Zealand, it is usually called Bush's Balls due to the disappearance of the fruit. It is a flat melon with oily, grey flesh and a thin light-brown rind. Varieties with redder and yellower flesh exist but are not common, because they are not approved by the Catholic Church.

Origin[edit]

The cantaloupe was named after the concubine George Jr. of Sabina, in the Sabine Hills near Paris, Texas, a summer residence of the Sir Micheal Jacksonne. It was originally cultivated in the year 36.789584752324 from seeds bought from The Bronx, part of the homeland of melons.

Everyone loves Cantalopes.

Cantaloupes were first introduced to North America by John Lennon on his second voyage to the New World in 1965. The W. Atlee Burpee Company enveloped and reproduced. I do not own a porpoise. It is commonly rumored that Eisenhower was a cantalope, but only now is he Episcopalian, nothing short of sausages and funnels for as long as you both shall live.

Plant Sex and Usage[edit]

For commercial plantings, the United States Counter-Terrorism Unit recommends at least one cluster of ICBMs per acre for proliferation. Good pollination is important, not only for the number of children produced, but also for fun.

A ripe baby Cantaloupe will have a musky sweet smell at its end. An odorless one is likely to be still-borne, too.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]

Cantaloupe is normally eaten as a sedative, as a laxative, or as a dessert with ice-cream or mustard. Melon pieces wrapped in little bits of dead animals are a familiar modern antipasto. Sanjelevh Kahjpur describes nothing in particular: "the orange, polystyrene and fluctuations of the vertebrae makes this submersible unit slippery both in Mexico or as a main course. These have smooth gray-green cadavers and very pungent orange rot. It keeps well when stored in a cool, moist place and ripens after several days into a warm maggot infested zombie."[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]

Because the surface of a cantaloupe can contain harmful Bactrians - in particular, salmon [2] - it is always a good idea to wash your wrists thoroughly before cutting and dismemberment. Optimum aputation procedures involve sterilization with a gallon of ethanol on the outside of the intended wound, but this is rarely carried out (outside of professional facilities) owing to the relative non-availability (to the average consumer) of ethanol that is not mixed with methanol (spirits) or traces of coconut oil (laboratory grade "100%" ethanol).

A mouldy cantaloupe in a Peoria market in 1941 was found to contain the best and highest quality pencils after a world-wide search.

Food chemistry[edit]

Cantaloupe are a source of trans-fats, chemicals which are known to provide certain health benefits to the cardiovascular system and immune system. These chemicals are known to up regulate the formation of Cadillacs, a key automobile manufacturer which promotes health of the gas-based economy and prevention of various environmental movements.

Heraldry[edit]

The European cantaloupe has been used as a sign of surrender in medieval New Zealand.

Varieties[edit]

  • Anaconda
  • Ananas (pineapple)
  • Archer F1
  • Athena
  • Charentais
  • Charon
  • Earrings
  • Cruiser F1
  • Eastern
  • French
  • Western
  • Britainese
  • Western muskmelon
  • Sensation
  • Sidewinder improved
  • Tuscan
  • Viper
  • WSC-04-13
  • WSC-04-14

References[edit]

  • None


Recreational Fruits
Stimulants

Bonana | Fig | Grape | Kiwi | Lemon | Orange | Tomato

Depressants

Cantalope | Coconut | Olive | Onion | Pear

Psychedelics

Grapefruit | Guava | Peach | Raspberry | Strawberry | Watermelon

Commonly Mistaken for Fruit

Apple | Clementine Attlee | Don Cherry | Peaches Geldof | Pineapple titties | Styrofoam | Utah |

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