Captain Ultra

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Captain Ultra is considered by people, many of whom are hopelessly insane, to be one of the greatst super heroes ever.

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Because of their incurable biases, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will probably never have an article about Captain Ultra. We are sorry they insist on being this lame.


Captain Ultra's origin dates back to WWII. As the last survivor of a dead planet, he was sent to earth and adopted by colour-blind bad comedians living on an island of Amazons that instilled the sense of humour and complete lack of colour coordination that he still shows to this day. Sadly, his life would take a tragic turn as a radioactive spider shot and killed his family and then bit him. Now knowing what evil lurks in the hearts of men, he decided to become the living legend of WWII.

By this point, WWII was over and Captain America had already taken that title. Heartbroken, Captain Ultra went on to become the hero you know today.

He can frequently be seen fighting crime. The minor crimes. You know, the ones that Spiderman and Daredevil and some angry guy with a mop are too busy to handle. Things like spitting on the sidewalk and leaving old people locked in cars on hot days. Captain Ultra's got that covered.

So, if you're ever in New York, look up in the Sky, here comes the Captain Ultra man.


Besides being deathly afraid of fire, Captain Ultra loses all his super human abilities when covered in mustard and placed between two slices of bread. This has given rise to quite a bit of confusion. In many sources he's actually listed as a hero sandwich rather than a super hero.

See also[edit]

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People named "Captain"

America - Autofellatio - Beefheart - Bligh - Britain - Canada - Caveman - Communist - Hook - Irrelevant - Jack Harkness - Janeway - Kaptainskye - Kirk - Knuckles - Marvel - Morgan - Oblivious - Obvious - Omnipotent - Planet - Raccoon - Selfish - Sisko - Slow - Video