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Sacred Cardinal

Cardinalism is an up and coming religion. There are many good points to it. The history of cardinalism goes back to when cardinals were the dominant species on earth, they were granted abnormal abilities to help protect everyone and have complete happiness on earth. But then dinosaurs came along and killed of most of the cardinals.

There were only a few remaining. They decided to put their powers together and to defeat the dinosaurs. They successfully killed off all the dinosaurs as the dinos have done to themselves. After that, humans were created by God. Cardinals then roamed the open land worry-free. Ever sense then, they have been helping people whether you realize it or not. Chances are your life has been saved numerous amount of times by cardinals.

What will I do as a Cardinalist?[edit]

Candles used in the sacred worship rituals

Once you are a cardinalist, you will live your life normally helping others. Then when you die you are reincarnated as a Cardinal so you can soar as the original cardinalists did while helping people. After you die as a cardinal and if you have lived a life without too much sin you will be sent to Hell (which is good). If you have lived a bad life you will go to Heaven (which is bad).

How To Become A Cardinalist[edit]

Becoming a Cardinalist is easy, the only things we require from you is that you are feminine, willing to worship, and have a big heart towards the religion. If you meet all these qualifications, you can become baptized which is an easy process and will be explained to you after you join.


A typical worship routine of devout Cardinalists

One of the necessities of the religion is worshiping on a regular basis (at least once a week). It is a fairly simple process, all you need is a large amount of candles and incense, a shrine with a cardinal or a symbol of a cardinal, and the official worship music playing which you will receive as a gift after you are baptized. That is all that we ask of you.

Worshipping is simply a matter of doing a form of Latin yoga that the ancient cardinals liked to watch humans do. Just make meditation noises ("Huammmmm.....Hwuammmmm....") while doing the Latin yoga. This symbolizes the relationship humans share with cardinals also, proving once again that cardinals always watch over us.


  • Cardinalism is the most popular religion in Haiti.

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