From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

The carousel (colloquially 'merry-go-round', but let's keep this on the low down) is a mechanical device very similar in function to a centrifuge in that its main function is to spin. It could potentially be used as a true centrifuge, but it is very likely that some minor modifications would have to be made for this to work. Such modifications would potentially include removing the carousel and replacing it with a centrifuge, among other things. The American artist Jackson Pollock was said to love riding them as a child; unfortunately he was no good at driving a car later in life.


Technical drawing of a carousel.

The layout of a carousel is very simple. You may think of it like an egg cooked over-easy. The center, 'yolk' section is the Center (possibly known as the station). Outside of the stations, in the 'white' area, are the Animals. These are technical terms.

In the animals section are animals. They all have saddles carved into their backs and loveable grins. But be careful! If you're not, you'll be eaten. Disclaimer; You shouldn't ride the carousel if you have something against being eaten.

Sometimes there are rings along the outside of the carousel (not shown in diagram) similar to those used in Medieval Times so that the actors don't have to actually joust. If someone was able to grab a ring while riding the carousel, he/she would get a prize. Then all the amusement park managers got tired of giving prizes and shot you for trespassing and attempted theft if you went within ten feet of any ring.

There is an organ grinder being mutilated inside each and every carousel. If you can't hear the screaming, then it's not a true carousel.


There is a wide variety of animals that can be found on carousels.

How it works[edit]

In the center is a motor or some other source of torque. Usually there's a crotchety old man named Arthur with two buttons. One of these buttons is labeled "start" and one is labeled "stop." In archaic models, buttons may be replaced with a lever. The purpose of these buttons and/or lever is not known, and it is assumed that the old man running the carousel uses telekinesis in order to spin it. Eye contact is not to be made with Arthur, he's a convicted pederast.

If you can make it past the animals and sit on their back, make sure to avoid the rings around the outside, or you'll be shot. Sometimes you'll be shot anyway if you meet certain criteria. Such criteria are:

  • Being over seven years of age
  • Being male

You can meet any or all of the aforementioned criteria to be subject to getting shot. Ride at your own discretion.