Carrie

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Carrie.
Carrie getting ready for the prom!
Carrie without her make-up


In the international bestselling art novel Carrie, Stephen Spielberg penned the horrific and comical story of a girl who plays RPGs until she comes to believe that she, herself, can work magic."

Story[edit]

Carrie the fat smelly lard was taking a shower naked in front of the whole school. So Chris Hangingson the school bully hot chick then slashed Carrie with her L5 Sword causing her to bleed, so everybody was trying to clean up Carrie's bleeding by throwing tampons to clean her up but she thought they were throwing peanuts so she tried to catch them with her mouth. Then Lolita Desjargon the Phys. Ed teacher / lesbian told her that she was a fat smelly naked lard and should leave school forever, and she was VERY pissed that she got blood all over her favorite gym carpet and all over her own obese body. She then preceeded to smack Carrie's ass with a towel and then Carrie left the school…naked.
Then Carrie returns home to her mother Jerry Falwell, Her mother had found out she was playing Final Fantasy, Dungeons and Dragons, and Dragon Quest instead of praying, He expected Carrie to pray and pray without stop even while at school and always speak it out loud, shrieky, raspy voice. This is most likely why nobody likes Carrie, and also she's a fat, smelly, naked, lard. She was punished by having to actually follow the rules of LEVITICUS for a week straight.
So then the next day Carrie returned to school and this time she was reminded she was not allowed to take showers at school. You see, the reason why Carrie took showers in school was because Falwell did not allow anybody in the household to shower, he believed it was sinful to bathe. This is why Carrie was a fat, smelly, lard.
The school bell rang but Carrie was so fat she wasn't able to run or even move that well, she mostly just grunted like a pig and attempted to move those stubby little legs but they really didn't move.
“HUHH! HUHH! GRUGH! HUHH!” she grunted, attempting to make it into first period, but she failed. By the time she finally got there it was about 11:46 PM and her teacher told her she was late and punished her with a week's detention and then hit her with his notebook. Hard.
Carrie then went to detention, and stayed there for a week. It was difficult for Carrie as she spent hours grunting and moaning for food and tears came out of her eyes because of the hunger, except they were weren't really tears but actually grease. She was also expected to fill out little quizzes to pass time, Carrie was also stupid. So she got a -15%, She failed all the questions and was penalised for not spelling her name correctly and then another penalisation because the teacher just didn't like her.

Carrie after killing her mother, but she did it with love.

Then Carrie wanted to go home and play Final Fantasy II, so she went home and started playing Final Fantasy II but then Maria ran out of MP and she didn't have any goddamn Ethers because she didn't have enough room for it, and everyone knows that Maria sucks if she can't cast Black Magic. So she shut the game down and fell asleep.
The next day the school announced that the Senior Prom would come up soon, and everyone but Carrie was allowed in because she was shaped like a meatball.
This made Carrie so mad, but luckily Tommy Ross offered to take Carrie to the dance, only because if he didn't he would be eaten. This angered Chris Haggybitch so much that she decided to put a bucket of pig blood to spill on Carrie when she was at the prom.

Chris Handmedown about to be eaten.

So when prom night came Carrie got the most revealing outfit ever and wore it to the prom. It caused two cases of permanent blindness. Then Chris Headingsouth spilled pig blood all over her. Carrie thought it was barbecue sauce and so she used her the black magic spell “Fire” near the exits (she learned magic from months of practicing magic with her mentor Maria in the game Final Fantasy II) to make sure nobody would escape and then devoured them all. Soon after Roseanne showed up and then Carrie and Roseanne attempted to eat each other but Carrie lost. The end.

Trivia about Carrie[edit]

  • She's a lesbian
  • Her name is not spelt Kerry
  • She wants to be like Sophia when she grows up
  • She commited suicide after she died.
  • She's emo
  • She's unpopular
  • She wants to marry William Shatner
  • Her favourite colour is red

People who Carrie is not[edit]

Feminine Articles
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Articles About Feminine Issues
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See Also[edit]